Picking Me Up
by numtwelve
Summary: Bella and Jacob Black had a perfect marriage...until he got sick. Cancer took Jacob away from her and their daughter, leaving his best friend, Edward Cullen, to help pick up the pieces. *This story deals with the aftermath of a character death and is rated for lemons*
1. Chapter 1 - Surprise

**A/N: Hello everyone! Yes, I am back! I needed a break from writing my original story, so I decided to write another fan fiction story. Some of you may remember the story I did where Bell and Jacob were married, and he passed away, after having a very rocky relationship. This story is only similar in that Jacob and Bella were married and he's gone...however, the marriage was not rocky and things were going great before he got sick.**

**Hopefully, you enjoy this story like the other ones! Thanks to torisurfergirl for helping this story come together.  
**

**Enjoy!**

Surprise

"I can't believe you're moving." Edward Cullen leaned against my door frame. He had said that at least five times tonight while watching me pack.

I sighed, because we'd had this fight already. Several times actually. I stopped packing and looked up at the man who reminded me of my husband so much it hurt. He was tall, had tussled copper colored hair and sharp, green eyes. He made it no secret that he wanted Elizabeth and me to stay with him, but I just couldn't. He knows that, but didn't want to face it.

"I can't, Edward. You know why I'm leaving." I put the box down and sat down on the bed.

He closed my door – probably to make sure Elizabeth didn't hear us even though she had gone to bed hours ago – and walked over to sit down next to me. "I don't want you to leave. Having you and Liz here for the last few months has been great."

"Oh, please. You don't miss the parties you used to throw? Beer bongs everywhere?" I smirked, trying to soften the moment.

Edward was a confirmed bachelor, and had been for years. Jacob, my husband and Edward's best friend, had had a rare form of cancer that took him from me a year ago. When he died, Edward had asked Elizabeth—Jacob and my nine-year-old daughter— and I to move in with him. Between the hospital bills and the fact that Jacob wasn't working, our savings had been depleted. Edward owned a three bedroom house and lived in it all alone, so he said that it made sense. With his help I had been able to pay off all of the hospital bills.

He had been wonderful to us for the last six months. He never allowed me to pay rent, or utilities. When I had hit the roof about not helping him pay the bills, he allowed me to be in charge of the food, which had made me feel better. I made sure that he ate three meals a day and had plenty of beer and snacks for the evening.

While living with Edward really helped support us, we were floundering. Elizabeth and I had been coping as well as we could and saw a family therapist to help us with our grief. But we needed a change. We had moved to Dallas, Texas because Jacob had a fantastic job offer. I didn't know many people here, since I worked from home, and Dallas just felt like Jacob. Every grocery store we used to shop at, every restaurant we'd eaten at and every doctor and hospital we'd taken him to…I could feel him everywhere and it was suffocating me.

After talking to my best friend, Alice Whitlock, I realized how much I missed home: Napa Valley, California. All of my friends and family were there, and very little reminded me of Jacob. He and I had never lived there together, only visited. Alice had talked me into moving back home to start a new life.

Jacob and I had met in college in Arizona. He was had been studying engineering and I was studying international business. Our career paths were totally different, as were our interests and political thoughts. But, there was something that had drawn me to him and him to me. We met our freshman year and were married by the time sophomore year had started. It was a whirlwind romance, definitely, but we were deliriously happy. Elizabeth had been a surprise, having her just before I graduated. In fact, Jacob's parents had flown out specifically to help with her so I could still walk at graduation. Elizabeth had been three-months-old.

Jacob had graduated early from college. Always much smarter than me, he was able to do summer school and finish early. He had been tall, with dark hair, deep brown eyes and dark olive skin. Elizabeth got his coloring, but she looked more like me. Jacob used to say that he was blessed with two brunette beauties. It always made me blush, but Liz – which is what Jacob had called her – just ate up the affection.

Jacob didn't look physically like Edward, but they had met when we moved to Dallas, and had been best of friends. They were thrust together on a major project at work, which meant that they had to spend a lot of time together. By the time the project was over, they were best friends. That was over four years ago, and Edward had been a constant fixture in my house since they then.

"Bella, don't do this. It's going to be hard on Liz to move away from her friends. You've been here for almost five years now. Please," he begs, reaching out to hold my hand. My heart began to beat faster.

"Edward, I-I just can't. I see him everywhere…I have to get away from that so I can heal. Right now, the hole in my heart is too much…I can't handle it." What I hadn't said to him was that I couldn't be near him anymore, either. He reminded me of Jacob the most.

"Bella," he said, tilting my chin so I was looking into his eyes. "I don't want you to leave."

My breath caught in my throat as I looked at him. I mean _really_ looked at him. His green eyes stared right into my soul with a penetrating gaze. The familiar spark of humor that I was used to seeing in them was gone, replaced by something I didn't understand. He licked his lips and leaned down. The second his lips touched mine, my heart started racing and I began to panic.

Quickly, I jumped up from the bed and turned away from him. "Edward…I can't." The pain from losing Jacob was too recent…too soon. I would be lying if I said that I didn't find him attractive. Unfortunately, it was the wrong time to explore any feelings that I may have for him. I guess I had thought that he understood how I was feeling.

I heard the squeak of the bed, and I knew he stood up. I still couldn't turn to face him, but his arms wound around me, his lips on my neck. "Bella, don't push me away. We…we need to comfort each other. Be there for each other…emotionally and physically. I think we can help the pain be less by being together."

I had never been impulsive. Jacob used to tease me that I had everything planned down to such fine detail, that I had already planned my funeral. But, feeling the comfort of arms around me—the first time in almost a year since Jake had become sick—was overwhelming. Edward's breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine, and I slowly turned around to face him. My eyes met his and I was taken away for a moment. Taken to a place where I hadn't been in over a year…the pure lust pouring through his eyes made my knees weak. This time, I reached for him.

Our lips met in a frenzied kiss. We stumbled toward the bed, pulling clothes off of each other as we went. His tongue entered my mouth, and I moaned deepening the kiss. We collapsed on the bed, half clothed, still devouring each other.

His hands made their way up my back, unclasping my bra. Once the offending piece of clothing was on the floor, his hands slowly slid up my stomach, gently cupping me. I inhaled sharply at the feel of his thumbs grazing my nipples.

Pushing him slightly so he was laying on his back, I straddled him and sat upright. His eyes were on fire as they met mine. He sat up slightly and sucked a nipple into his mouth. My moaning caught me off guard, and guilt struck me down so quickly I could hardly breathe.

_I have no right to feel good right now. Jacob…_

Panic overtook me and I pushed away from him, laying down on the bed and turning on my side so I couldn't see his face. Tears began running down my cheeks, while Edward was silently watching.

"Bella," he whispered, sliding his arm around me, holding me close to him. His bare chest pushed up against my back, which did nothing to calm my panic attack. "Let me be with you. Jacob would understand. He would have wanted us both to be happy."

His words broke me even more than his actions had, and I crumpled into a ball, tears coming in earnest now. But this time I allowed him to comfort me. I turned slowly and leaned into him. His eyes met mine, and he reached over and wiped a tear away.

"We can comfort each other. I can hold you up, just like you've held me up these past few months." He brought his lips down to mine, and the fire began to build again in my stomach.

While the guilt and pain that were always a part of me were still there in the background, I allowed the pleasure to overtake me. As we kissed, his hands slid down my back and started to push my sweats down. Soon, I was completely naked and under his scrutiny.

Jacob had been my first and only boyfriend. Being naked in front of another man felt strange and I was very shy all of a sudden. Edward smiled at me before kissing down my body. Before he reached my center, I pulled him back up to kiss my mouth.

He pulled back a little, stood up and removed his pants and boxers. He grabbed a condom out of his pocket before returning to the bed. Slowly, he slid the condom in place and turned back to me.

His weight on top of me made me feel giddy and excited. His eyes never left mine as he slid inside me, gauging if I was going to freak out again I assume. My eyes rolled back into my head at the feel of him inside me, and I groaned.

"Oh, baby, I love that sound," he whispered, bringing his mouth to mine.

Our kisses were furiously fast and devouring. My hands roamed all over his back as he began moving inside me. Heat began searing through me as I could feel myself getting close, and I swear I felt him growing even more inside me.

"Edward…I'm…" I whispered, unable to form a full sentence as the pleasure completely overtook me.

"Come, baby," he said, his mouth sliding over my cheek to nibble on my earlobe and moving down to my neck. He continued to slide in and out of me, but at a much faster pace.

All too soon, my body exploded, and Edward captured my moans with his mouth. He continued to move inside me for a few moments before he stiffened, arching, almost staring at the ceiling as his body came unglued as well. When he was done, he laid back down on top of me, leaning his head on my shoulder.

He was breathing hard when he leaned up and captured my mouth again. I forced the thoughts of grief and guilt out of my head and allowed him to kiss me again. Without warning, a tear escaped my eye. Edward leaned up and looked at me, silently wiping the tear away.

"Are you okay?" he asked, eyes full of concern.

I laughed. Well, I tried to…it sounded more like a snort. "I'm confused. How did that just happen?"

He smiled down at me, kissed me quickly, and got up to dispose of the condom. "I thought we could help each other. Comfort each other."

"But…" What we had done had felt like a betrayal to Jacob. My head knew that he was gone and never coming back, but my heart still belonged to him. There was no denying that. He had been my first and only love over the years, and it was hard to think about living without him.

"Bella," he said, laying down next to me on my bed. "I miss him, too. Jacob was the brother I always wanted. Losing him killed me…us. Maybe it's wrong, maybe it's crazy, but I want to be there for you and Liz. I want to help you both through this, and you can help me. We can find our way together."

"Edward, it's not that simple. I understand what you are saying, and as great as that sounds, it's just not possible. You…" He silenced me with a kiss, winding his arms around me.

He kissed me up my neck until his mouth was close to my ear. "Can you feel that?"

Without needing him to elaborate, I could. I could feel the pain and pressure that I'd felt since Jacob died, leaving just a little. The constant ache in my heart was better, well-balanced, and comforted by Edward. He was right, we could help each other.

"Let's go to sleep now. We can talk about it again tomorrow," he said, kissing me again.

I turned on my side, away from him, and he slid in behind me holding me close. My feelings for Edward were confused at the moment. He felt good – great, actually. His touch was comforting to me in a way that I had never expected. Was this good enough to get me through the pain of losing Jacob?

As I thought about Jake, pain seared through my chest, and my breath caught in my throat. Another tear escaped as I realized that I couldn't do it. I couldn't give him what he was asking…no matter how tempting it was. My mind had been made up already. I was going home.

**So, what do you think? Is Bella making a mistake by moving home? Tell me what you think! New chapter in a week or so.**


	2. Chapter 2 - Goodbye

**A/N: Hello again! Thanks for sticking with me. This story was definitely an emotional journey for me, so it's nice to be able to share it. Try not to hate on Bella too much in this chapter. She really does think she's making the best decision that she can, even though it's almost blaringly obvious to some that it's not. Thanks to my superstar beta torisurfergirl for helping me so much with this story.**

Goodbye

"Wow," Alice said. I had called her the morning after Edward and I slept together to tell her what had happened with Edward, and how I had responded that morning when we discussed me staying in Dallas. "How did he take it?"

"He was angry at first, but then he was sad." I sighed, leaning into the phone while sitting on my bed. I had just put Elizabeth to bed, and Edward had gone out without saying anything, so I knew that I had a few minutes of privacy. "He said that he and I would be good together…that we could help each other get over losing Jacob."

"What did you say to that?" she asked. I was thankful that she wasn't passing judgment on me; I was doing enough of that on my own.

"I told him that while it was a nice thought, he just reminded me too much of Jacob. Needing to get away from him was part of why I needed to move. That's when he got sad and said that he wished I felt differently."

Alice was quiet for a moment before responding. "B, are you sure you are making the right choice in moving?"

"Yes," I said, without any hesitation. "I want to come home. To be around something that's familiar, without the feeling of Jacob on every corner. Maybe I'll come back to Dallas someday when the pain of losing Jacob isn't so strong. But, right now I need to put some separation between me and the memories. It's the only way that I can start the healing process."

"And have you talked with Elizabeth about this? How does she feel?"

"She's sad about moving but is also excited about moving to a new place. She has a large sense of adventure, my girl, and is really looking forward to seeing more of where I grew up." I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling, feeling very tired all of a sudden. "So, how are _you_ feeling?"

Alice was about eight months pregnant, and feeling quite large. She'd had a rough pregnancy so far and finally had been put on bed rest. By my estimation, I would arrive in Napa Valley close to when she was due.

"Changing the subject on me, huh?" she said, laughing a little. "I'm a whale and very uncomfortable. But, I'm surviving."

"How's Jasper doing?" Jasper was her husband, who had been very nervous about the entire pregnancy. This was their first and only, according to Alice, and he was being the usual terrified father-to-be.

"He's wonderful, as usual." She sighed, and I smiled. Alice and Jasper had found each other only a couple years before. They worked well together, and had been extremely happy.

I ended the call with Alice shortly after that and went back to packing. We were moving in less than a month, right after Elizabeth got out of school for the summer. Since I worked from home as a communication coordinator for a large company headquartered in Florida, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job once we got there. I was taking a couple of weeks off to make the drive and get settled, though.

It was almost midnight by the time I stopped packing. Glancing around my room, I noticed that I was almost finished. It was amazing how little I had now, after giving almost everything away when I was forced to move out of the house that Jacob and I shared.

Feeling overwhelmingly tired, I turned the light off and crawled into bed. A light knock on the door startled me.

"Come in," I called, not wanting to get out of bed.

Edward opened the door, walked in and closed it behind him. I had been expecting Elizabeth, so seeing Edward was a surprise.

"What's going on?" I asked him, sitting up in bed.

He sat down next to me but didn't look at me. "I know why you're doing this, and on some level I understand. I won't pressure you to stay, but I will say that I don't want you to go. You may want to forget Jacob, but I want to remember. Having you and Liz here helps me remember him."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. That's not my intention…to hurt you. I'm not trying to forget Jacob. I'm just doing what I can to help me and Liz move on. I just want you to understand that."

"I do. That's the problem, I really understand. But, I don't have to like it."

I laughed a humorless laugh. He crawled in bed with me and held me all night. We didn't have sex that night, but we held onto each other; remembering Jacob and how much he meant to us.

By the next morning, Edward was back to his normal joking self. He took Elizabeth to school on his way to work, hugging me with that slight one-armed hug that men like.

We continued in the same pattern for the next couple of weeks. He was himself during the day, but a totally different, vulnerable person at night. Every single night he crawled in bed with me and held me all night. The comfort of his arms around me began to feel normal, and I thought briefly about how I was going to miss this once we moved.

Before I knew it, Elizabeth was out of school, and we were packing the rest of our stuff to move.

We had the truck, and were leaving the next day. I was sitting on my bed, after a full day of loading the truck, when I heard a knock on my door. Edward walked in, looking sad.

At first, we just stared at each other, not knowing what to say. He had helped me load the truck, and he knew we were leaving the next morning, and the sadness in his eyes was palpable.

Without thinking, I held my arms out to him, a silent tear running down my cheek. He walked over to me, slid his shoes and pants off, and crawled into bed with me. Turning to face him, I captured his mouth with mine.

Neither of us said anything…there was nothing to say. We both knew that I would be leaving soon; moving away from him and my former life. We hadn't talked about the future other than me moving, and somehow I knew that once I was gone, he would be out of my life forever.

We comforted each other that night, twisting and writhing in passion in each other's arms. I whispered his name as I came, and he whispered mine, too. Afterwards, he held me and we both wept together, realizing the finality of what we had just done. No words, no promises…just the realization of an ending between us and the life we had created for the past few months.

Edward stayed with me that night, holding me all night. I don't think that either of us slept, silently telling each other goodbye. Words weren't necessary as we held each other, staring into each other's eyes.

What alarmed me most about the experience was how familiar his touch was now. How much my body responded to his and how content he made me feel. For the hundredth time since I had made the decision to leave, I questioned whether I was doing the right thing.

Laying there, with Edward in my arms, I wondered if I was crazy for leaving. Maybe we _could_ help each other.

"No words, Bella?" he asked, when we finally had given up on sleeping. I was grabbing my suitcase and was about to take it downstairs when he spoke.

My eyes went to his and studied him. He had always been handsome, but the sadness seemed to overwhelm anything else right now. "I don't know what to say, Edward."

He walked over to me, took the suitcase out of my hand and pulled me close to him. "Tell me you'll miss me," he whispered into my ear.

"Every second of every day," I told him, unwilling to lie.

He leaned back, sitting on the bed and wrapped his arms around me again. When his eyes met mine, I was shocked at the amount of emotion in them. "Stay," was all he said.

Shaking my head slightly, I brought my hand up to his cheek. "I can't."

He nodded, and I saw his eyes fill just like mine had. I kissed him then, trying to take away the ache I felt and ease his sadness. It wasn't frenzied or hot like it had been the night before, but it was final: an ending. We both knew what this was and tried not to let it consume us.

Edward helped me load my bed, and then Elizabeth's bed. Those were the last two items that we needed; everything else was in our small truck. Then he attached the car trailer and made sure my car was secured to it. When he turned around, I knew it was time.

Elizabeth ran to him first, hugging him with more excitement than sadness. She had always been a strong girl, and was more excited about the adventure that lay ahead of us than the one we were leaving. Given how close she and Edward had become, I was sure she would miss him, though. It was against her nature to feel too sad about something she couldn't change. She embraced the changes that came and moved on. It was amazing to see that in a nine-year-old.

"Take it easy, squirt," Edward said, ruffling her hair.

"Don't call me squirt, dude," Elizabeth responded, sticking out her tongue at him.

"Don't call me dude, kid."

"Don't call me kid, man."

Edward grabbed her and gave her another hug, and then turned to look at me. Elizabeth ran and got in the truck, clicking on her mp3-player, and ignoring us.

"I won't ask you again," he started, holding his arms out to me. I stepped into them, relishing in the warmth and comfort. "But, I will tell you this – should you decide to come back, you are always welcome in my home."

"Thank you, Edward. That really means a lot." I sniffed, trying not to let him see just how much this goodbye was affecting me. "I should get going…we have a long road ahead."

"Yeah," was all he said. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, unwilling to kiss me anywhere else when Elizabeth was around. "Goodbye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Edward."

**A/N: Sad, I know. Something that I forgot to mention is that this story is entirely from Bella's POV, but I am working on an Edward POV as an outtake. That may bring a lot more into light that Bella doesn't know or understand in this story.**

**Also more good news, I have actually already completely written this story (except the outtake that I'm currently working on). Other than being my own worst critic and re-writing chapters over and over until they feel right (right, Tori, right? lol), this shouldn't get deferred by my life. I am hoping to post once a week.**

**Leave me some feedback! Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3 - Needs

**A/N: Hello again! I hope you are enjoying my story so far! Here we get a piece of what Bella is going through after leaving Edward.**

**Thanks again to my fantabulous beta, torisurfergirl! Wouldn't be here without you!**

Needs

My eyes were burning. We had been on the road for almost eight hours, not having to stop too often, and I was exhausted. We had left before nine in the morning, but it felt like I had been awake forever. Even though the goodbye with Edward had been wonderful last night, I wished that I could have gotten some sleep.

"Mom, I'm hungry. Are we stopping soon?" Elizabeth asked, flipping off her mp3-player finally.

I checked my GPS to see if we were close to a town before responding. "Yes, we're close to a town called Tucumcari. We can find a hotel for the night and get something to eat. What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't know…I'm just hungry."

Rolling my eyes, I concentrated on the road rather than going down that path with her. Elizabeth was extremely picky about food and would normally prefer to have ramen or chicken noodle soup than most foods. As we drove into a Best Western off the highway, we both saw a KFC.

"Mom! Let's go to KFC!" she squealed, and I knew we found a winner.

Parking the truck with the car attached was very difficult, but I figured it out. I checked us into the hotel, and she and I walked to the KFC just down the road. It was helpful to have it fairly close, so that we could walk and stretch our legs after being in the car for so long.

After we ate, we walked back to the hotel and up to our room. I convinced Elizabeth to take a shower before bed, even though she was protesting that she didn't want one, and I sat down on the bed to call Edward.

He had texted me several times on the trip, asking me to check in with him when we stopped for the night.

"Hey, Bella. How's the drive going?" Edward said, answering the phone in a smooth voice.

"Meh, it's driving. It sucks. How's it going there?"

"Same. Boring. Never felt how big this house was until you guys left."

"I'm sorry, Edward." And I was sorry. Sorry that I had to leave in order to heal, sorry that we both were in pain over it, and sorry, most of all, that he and I had gotten so close over the last few months that the fact that I left was hurting us more than it should have.

"I know," was all he said. We were quiet for a moment. "Do you miss me yet?"

I smiled into the phone. "Of course I do. What about you?"

He laughed. "Do I miss your cold toes and morning breath? Definitely."

His words caused an ache inside me that I chose to ignore. He and I, whatever we'd had in the wake of Jacob's death, was over. We were both going to have to accept that.

"Well, Elizabeth just turned the shower off, so I should get going."

"Call me when you stop tomorrow, okay?"

"I will."

"And, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you'll drive carefully."

"I promise." I ended the call and plugged it into the charger by the bed, before laying down. Elizabeth came out shortly after that, so I brushed her hair and got her into pajamas.

It was only eight-something in the evening, so I switched on the TV to some Nickelodeon cartoons for Elizabeth. She settled down in bed, her eyes closing every now and then.

My phone beeped, indicating a new message, so I picked it up to check it out.

**Edward: Sleep well**

**Me: Thanks, you too**

**Edward: I really do miss you**

**Me: Miss you too**

I set my phone back down and clicked the TV off. Elizabeth was fully asleep, and I was tired. I turned my phone on silent and settled back in bed, expecting to fall asleep quickly.

Unfortunately, my brain just couldn't shut off like that. I hopped into the shower, washing myself quickly thinking about my last night with Edward. My body reacted as if he were here in the same room as me, and I realized very quickly just how much I already missed being touched.

Against my better judgment, I grabbed my phone and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. I dialed Edward and sat down on the floor.

"Hello?" Edward answered.

"Edward…" my voice was breathless, but I hadn't needed to say anything more.

"Bella…" He was silent for a moment. "Imagine I'm there with you, alone in the hotel room."

My skin felt fevered as he continued to describe his rendition of hot and steamy sex. My had snaked down my pants as I began touching myself, imagining it was Edward's hand instead of my own. He continued to talk as I got closer to my release

"Bella?"

"Keep going, Edward...close..." I gasped. He continued describing his tongue on my clit, him entering me from behind. The visuals he created were too much and I peaked quickly. I was silent for a moment trying to catch my breath.

"Bells? You OK over there?" Edward asked. I could almost see his smirk from here.

"I'm here. Just trying to breathe," I replied.

"Was that good for you?" he chuckled.

"It was just what I needed."

"Baby, come back to me." His voice was quiet, and I could hear the emotion welling up inside him.

"I want to…but I can't."

He sighed. "I know."

"Edward…I, um…I need to go." Tears were threatening to fall now, and I didn't want to cry on the phone to him.

"Okay. Call me tomorrow."

"I will. And Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The next morning, after another night of very little sleep, Elizabeth and I got up early and got back on the road. A little less than thee hours later we stopped at a small diner just outside of Albuquerque for breakfast. I took the opportunity to text Edward to let him know we were already on the way.

He responded, telling me again to call him tonight and drive carefully. I smiled at my phone before turning the truck on and starting to drive.

"You've been doing that a lot," Elizabeth said, putting her earphones in.

"Doing what, honey?"

"Looking at your phone and smiling." She pouted for a minute. "I want a phone. Just for me."

"You are too young for a phone. I told you that I wouldn't even consider it until you were double digits, which is coming up in a few months. But, I said I would _consider_ it when you got that old, not that I would buy one for you. You need to prove to me you are responsible before I will buy that for you."

This was a conversation that we'd had before—a fight, really. She seemed annoyed by my response and turned her music back on, turning away from me. I sighed and pulled onto the highway. It was just a little after eight in the morning, and we had already made it two hours. Driving the rest of the way to Flagstaff would be easy. In fact, if I am not super exhausted by the time we got there, I could probably push through to Kingman or Needles.

Jacob had hated road trips. He thought it was a much easier process to fly than drive, but we'd had to make the long trip from LA, where we went to college, to Dallas four years ago. That had been extra difficult because we were in separate cars. He drove the truck pulling the car behind it, and I drove his Chevy truck. Elizabeth had rotated between the vehicles, so a lot of the time I'd had no one to talk to through the ride.

Since I'd spent so much time to myself during that drive, I found myself being very introspective. When we made it to Dallas, Jacob had laughed at me joking that I'd found myself on the road. Secretly, that had irritated me, but he hadn't meant it to be mean so I never told him.

"Mom?" Elizabeth said, waking me up from my revere.

"Yeah?"

"What was Daddy like?"

Her question shocked me. "What? He's only been gone for a year, don't you remember?"

Her head shook for a moment. "No, I mean _really_ like. Wasn't he different with me when he was being a daddy?"

"No, honey, no he wasn't. Your father was the most honest man in the world. What you saw was what you got. He was generous and kind, and had outstanding morals. He was a good cook, and he played guitar a lot when you were littler."

I could see her nodding and smiling a little. "Yeah, I remember him singing to me. His voice was terrible!"

We laughed together. "Yeah, he tried so hard, but he was never quite able to hold a tune while singing. Guitar was a totally different thing, though."

For the next couple of hours we talked about Jacob. She asked questions about memories that she could only vaguely remember, so I cleared them up for her. She asked about our wedding and honeymoon, about college and why we chose to move to Dallas. It was a wonderful conversation before she got tired and decided to take a nap.

After Elizabeth fell asleep, I began thinking about the things that I hadn't told her; things that a daughter shouldn't know, but memories of Jacob that I kept to myself. How gentle he had always been with me, knowing he had been the only man to touch me. How genuinely interested in my days he had always been, how no matter how wrapped up he was researching for work or reading for pleasure, he would always stop when I needed to talk to him.

He had been my best friend, my lover and my husband. Most of my friends grew away from me because we'd had Elizabeth so young. But, Jacob had always been a constant for me. There were a few friends left, like Alice, who I'd kept in contact with, but not many.

Edward came flooding back in my mind, and instead of my body feeling fevered remembering our passion, it became fevered in an embarrassed blush. I was guilty of moving on too quickly. Jacob hadn't meant to leave me, and we'd fought that cancer as hard as we could, but it had consumed him by the time they found it. I had no business in any kind of relationship with any other man while Jacob's touch and Jacob's words were still so ingrained into my thoughts – even only a year since his death.

We stopped for lunch in Flagstaff, Arizona, after being on the road five hours or more since leaving Albuquerque. Since we'd had such an early morning, I decided to let Elizabeth and I spend some time out of the truck. I positioned us on the side of the road, near the petrified forest so we could take a walk.

When I looked at my phone, I saw several texts from Edward. Choosing to leave Dallas had been hard, and leaving Edward even harder…but after the conversation I'd had with Elizabeth, and of course the one I'd had with myself, I knew it was the right choice.

The next logical course of action for me was to stop leading him on. Whatever he'd thought that this was was over now that I was moving away.

No more texts or calls. I needed to walk away.

**A/N: So, what do you think? Is she making the wrong choice? Sometimes people make the choices that they do out of fear, rather than rational thinking. I have to assume that Bella is afraid...she just lost her husband and things were moving a little too fast with Edward. But, we shall see how it turns out! Leave me a review and let me know what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4 - On The Road

**A/N: Hello again, my friends! First off, after receiving some PMs and comments, I want to assure all of you that I am ONLY ever about a HEA for Edward and Bella. To that end, my fabulous beta helped me to rewrite the outline of my story and produce the "happy" much faster. Please bear with me, and Bella, while we worth through a few things. Trust me...**

**Thanks to my beta, torisurfergirl, for all of your help. I seriously couldn't do this without you.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I do, however, own two snotty cats (sisters) who like to wake me up at night fighting.**

On the Road

The second day of the journey was a lot longer than the first day. We made it to Needles, California but didn't arrive until very late in the evening after our long walk in Flagstaff. I knew the next leg of the trip much better and had already turned off my GPS. Having grown up in California, and having an adventurous father, I knew exactly what to expect from the eight to nine hour drive.

"So, we're close enough that we should be able to get there tomorrow evening," I told to Alice that night in the hotel. Elizabeth had already showered and passed out in front of the TV.

"That's great news!" she exclaimed. "Jasper has the duplex all ready for you, so you just come on over. We'll put you up on the futon for the night, and then he'll be able to help you unload the next day."

Alice and Jasper owned a duplex; they lived on one side and rented the other side out. It was empty at the moment, and they were going to rent it to me and Elizabeth. It was a perfect arrangement, living next door to my best friend. "That's awesome, Alice. My brother couldn't get the day off, so he won't be able to show up until Saturday."

Alice laughed. "Honey, what day do you think it is today?"

I glanced at my clock and realized it was Thursday. "Oh, boy, I really am tired. And I've only been on the road for two days!"

"Have you heard any more from Edward?" she asked, her voice even like she was trying to hide something from me.

"Oh, sure, lots. But, I'm done with that. I've decided that I can't lead him on any longer, and I won't be ready to be with anyone for a while."

"Yeah, I can understand that. I wish it was easier for you, but Jacob did just pass away not that long ago. Still, I know how you feel about Edward…"

I inhaled sharply. "What do you mean, 'how I feel about him?' How exactly do I feel about him?"

She sighed and I could hear her shifting around. She was still pregnant – due any day now – and was in the completely uncomfortable stage. "You find him attractive, which confuses you because you think that you shouldn't find anyone attractive right now. He makes you feel things that you haven't felt in a long time when he's touches you. His touch is also comforting to you which makes you feel guilty. But all of that aside, you enjoy his company, and the comfort that he provides you, and you miss him already."

"Wow," I said, completely stunned. She had captured all of my feelings perfectly in one thought. "You know, sometimes it's creepy how well you know me."

"Ha!" She laughed. "You hint around these things so openly, a blind dog could tell how you feel."

"That obvious, huh?"

"Well, maybe not to a blind dog, but to me you are, yeah."

"What do I do?" I lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Whatever you feel is right, whatever you want. Whether you want to acknowledge this or not, you are single now. Maybe it's the wrong time…I don't know that, sweetie. Only you can know that. But, the way I think about it is that if he makes you feel something wonderful after the crap you've had to deal with these past couple of years, then take it. Take it and run."

Suddenly feeling courage from her words, I said, "Alice, I need to go."

She laughed again. "Go and call him, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow. Oh, and Alice? Thank you."

"You're welcome, B." That's what I loved about Alice; I never needed to explain anything to her. She knew exactly why I was thanking her.

After hanging up with Alice, I dialed Edward. He answered on the first ring.

"I've been waiting for you. I thought maybe you decided not to call me." His voice sounded a little short, and I wondered if I had pushed him today by not responding to him and waiting to call.

"Sorry, Elizabeth and I made it to Needles today. It was a really long day…"

"And?" I cursed him for a moment. He knew exactly why I hadn't called him until now.

"And...I was scared that I was relying on you too much and moving too fast too soon after Jacob's death." There. Lay it all out there for him and see what he says.

He was silent for a moment. "Thank you for being honest with me. Am I pushing you, Bella?"

"I'm not sure how to answer that. Sometimes, yes, but most of the time, no."

"Can you clarify that?"

I stood up slowly and walked into the bathroom. I wanted to make sure that Elizabeth didn't over hear me. Once I had closed and locked the door, I sank down to the floor. "I'm attracted to you…"

"Okay, so far I like where this is going."

"But, my brain is telling me that I shouldn't be…that I have no right to even be looking at another man because it's so soon after losing Jacob. You push me, because you force me to make a choice between being loyal to a man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with and the flesh and blood man in front of me. You don't push me into doing anything _with_ you, though. That's what I meant."

"Bella…I never asked you to make a choice between me and Jake. I wanted you to be around to help me get over his death…not to choose me over remembering him." He was quiet for a moment.

I waited, thinking about his response. _Did he actually ask me to choose him over Jake, or did I just make that up in my head?_

"Did Jacob ever tell you that I'm an only child?" Edward's voice was calm and quiet.

"Yeah, he told me that."

"So, you can understand when I say that Jacob was like a brother. In lots of ways, I think we were closer than brothers. I need you to understand something when we are talking about _us – _you and me_._ I'm not proposing. I'm not asking for forever…all I wanted to do was see if you and I could help each other with the pain of losing my brother – your husband."

For some stupid reason, my heart fell a little. That made no sense, because I didn't want him to ask me to marry him…but I was still disappointed. "So, I was just some chick you wanted to fuck and you chose right before I left to do it?" I shouldn't have said that, because that wasn't even close to what he had told me. But I can't lie, he hurt me with what he said and I just wanted to hurt him back.

"Bella, knock it off. You know that's not what this is about."

"I never asked you for forever, Edward."

"I know, Bella. Sometimes I wish you had so that this conversation would be different." He sighed and paused for a moment as I wildly thought about how the conversation would have been different. Unfortunately, he started talking again before I could ask that question. "None of this matters anyway with you moving away. Maybe we should just call it quits."

"But…Edward," I sighed, leaning forward slightly. "How would the conversation be different if I had asked you for forever?"

"Does it matter?" He sighed, too. "Do you want to go down that road right now? With all that you are saying, do you really want to know the answer to that question?"

Thinking for a moment, I answered as honestly as I could, "No, I guess not."

"I think we should just end this, Bella. I think it would be easier for both of us." Edward's voice sounded strained.

"I thought we had done that before, with our last night together. I don't know why I kept texting or calling you since I left."

"I was doing that, too. We need to stop that, put some distance between us in more than just physical miles."

"Okay…say goodbye, then," I said, a challenge edging into my voice.

"Goodbye, Bella. For the rest of my life I'll wish that this had been different. Say goodbye."

"Goodbye, Edward. I'll, um, call you if something changes."

"You do that."

We hung up the phone after that, and I found myself crying again. Even though it was way too soon after Jacob's death, part of me had hoped that Edward was offering me something – anything. I wanted to believe for a moment that I wasn't a giant slut for sleeping with my husband's best friend.

The whole next day, I spent reliving my goodbye with Edward. He hadn't texted me, and I didn't text him. Maybe it was truly over. Then, with all of my strength, I pushed him out of my head. I concentrated on the road ahead of me and how wonderful it will be to see my family again.

My mother, for all her faults, could be a good woman. I looked just like her, down to my brown hair and brown eyes. I'm definitely a daddy's girl, though, so I was really looking forward to seeing him.

My sister, Jessica, was recently divorced and still a little bitter; she and I hadn't spoken in a few months. I think that she had a hard time with me losing Jacob, because she had told me before Jacob got sick that she wished her husband would die. Maybe she feels guilty for saying that? Who knows, Jess wasn't exactly easy to predict.

Emmett, my brother, was an engineer for a company out of Sacramento. He, actually, was the one who introduced Jacob and me, since he had been attending the same classes as Jacob. When Jacob had died, he flew out to me immediately to help. In fact, he had helped move me into Edward's house. Emmett was only two years older than me, the baby of the family.

They had all been happy to hear that I was coming home – except Jess. I was determined to figure out what her issue was, but it would have to wait until I was settled in.

As I wound through the bay area, seeing new landmarks that had been built after I had moved away, and seeing ones that I remembered as a child, I started to miss Edward again. We had said our goodbyes, made everything final, but what if he was who I should be with?

I pushed that thought out of my head and continued driving. He was in Dallas, I lived in Napa now. It was over, and I needed to stop thinking about him and move on.

**A/N: Don't be mad...I swear it all works out! For now, we must let Bella figure all of this stuff out on her own. There may be times in this story where you hate her, don't understand Edward, and possibly dislike me even more! It works out, I promise!**


	5. Chapter 5 - Home

**A/N: Hello again! I'm overwhelmed by the response to my little story, so first I have to say thank you so much! Second, I want to respond to some questions I've received:**

**1. No, the HEA will not take years. I promise! I want them together as much as everyone else. You have to give them (Bella especially) time.**

**2. I know it's hard to not hate Bella right now, but she is emotionally confused. She will figure it all out, but she might need some pushing. Stay tuned!**

**I hope those answers help.**

**Thanks to my lovely beta, torisurfergirl, and my VB psymom.**

**Enjoy!**

Home

The familiar-ness of Napa comforted me. Elizabeth's mp3-player had finally died, so she was looking around at our new home.

"Mom, it doesn't look very big."

"Well, it's not as big as Dallas, or LA, but it's a nice-sized town. Maybe next week we can take a drive up the Trail so you can see more of the country around here." I couldn't help the excitement. I was home.

"The trail?"

"Yeah, the Silverado Trail runs from Napa up the valley. There are a lot of vineyards and wineries, and some beautiful landscapes. I think you'd like it."

"Okay. Are we almost there? I have to use the bathroom."

"Yes, we'll be there in a few minutes."

We hadn't stopped much today, just the occasional bathroom breaks and to eat. I felt the pull toward home much more on this last stretch because we were so close. It was pretty late and the city was covered in darkness.

After a few minutes, we pulled up to Alice's duplex. I had to maneuver to park the truck, but once it was out of the street enough, I switched it off and Elizabeth and I rushed to Alice's door.

"Well, looks like you made it in one piece," Jasper said, opening the door. "Come on in, I bet you really need to sit down and relax."

"Actually, I'd prefer to stand for a while." We walked inside and looked around. The duplex wasn't huge, but it was comfortable. Alice was still on bed rest, and I wondered how excited she would have been to see all of the dishes laying around the house.

"Sorry about the mess. I'm not as good as Alice is about cleaning up." Jasper walked around the living room picking up clothing and dirty dishes, before pointing us toward the back room where Alice was laying down.

"Find the bathroom, honey, before you burst," I said to Elizabeth, who took off running down the hallway. "I'll be in with Alice."

I found the bedroom and slowly knocked on the door. I didn't want to wake her up if she was resting, but I was desperate to see her.

"Get in here, B! I've been waiting for you!" Alice called. I opened the door and rushed over to her, hugging her as hard as I dared given her current condition.

"I've missed you," I said into her hair as she hugged me back.

"I've missed you, too." She pulled back and looked up at me. "Did you talk to him?"

"Yeah."

"Uh-oh, I know that tone. What did you do?" Her eyes narrowed, and she stared at me waiting for me to respond.

"I told him the truth about how I was feeling. We said goodbye last night." There was still a little ache in my heart, but it was getting better—or I was able to ignore it easier.

"Aunt Alice!" Elizabeth yelled, running into the room and hopping up on the bed.

"Lizzy-bear!" Alice cried, throwing her arms around my daughter. They embraced, and Elizabeth settled down in the bed next to Alice.

As they started to chat about the 'horrible drive,' as Elizabeth put it, I made my way to the bathroom. I pulled out my phone and glanced at it. I had no new texts or missed calls, and that disappointed me a little.

Ignoring the ache, I texted Edward.

**Me: Just wanted you to know we made it here safely.**

When I didn't get an immediate response, I sighed and threw my phone back into my purse. I splashed some cold water on my face, changed into my pajamas, and walked back into the living room. Jasper had made up the bed on the futon in the living room, so I lay down and tried to remember why I moved back.

**Edward: I'm glad you are safe. Good luck with everything, Bells.**

I read his text several times before I decided not to respond. I couldn't go down that road again, and it was better for both of us to have a clean break.

Eventually, Jasper came out to say goodnight and that we'd catch up more tomorrow. Elizabeth came out of Alice's room, and I walked back in to tell her goodnight, too.

After changing into her own pajamas, it didn't take her long to fall asleep, but for some reason I couldn't. It had been an exhausting three days, but I couldn't make myself fall asleep.

The hours dragged by, and amid short bursts of sleep, I dreamt about warm hands on my body, whispers in my ear and talks of forever.

My brother showed up the next morning to help us unpack the truck. I threw myself in his arms and cried with relief. Emmett had always been my savior, and he was one of the main reasons I wanted to move back home. My safety net. He would keep me safe and protect me from all of the pain that I was feeling.

"My Bella girl has finally come home," he joked, hugging me tighter. "It's about damn time." Emmett had tried to convince me to move back home right after Jacob had died, but I really hadn't wanted to move Elizabeth right in the middle of a school year. That's how we ended up moving in with Edward; saving money for the move to Napa during the summer.

"How's my big brother?" I asked, staring up at him. Somehow, I had gotten the short end of the stick—pun intended—when it came to height in the family. I was only five-five, Jess was five-ten and Emmett was over six feet.

"Better now. Don't move that far away again." The twinkle in his eyes told me that he was still joking, but, I knew it was still half true. Even though he was older than me, Emmett and I had been inseparable from the time that I was five. He had been seven at the time, but he would play with me every day. "I brought someone with me today."

"A girlfriend that you haven't told me about?" I slapped him on the arm lightly and peered around him. I was shocked to see my sister there. "Hi, Jess."

"Hey, Isabella," she said, taking a step forward so she could hug me. "Oops, sorry, Bella."

When I was younger, I had gone by Isabella. I had always hated that name, though, and after I met Jacob he started calling me Bella. It just stuck.

"Hey, Jess, thanks for coming."

"No problem. So, let's get to moving this shit so I can go. I have plans tonight."

Typical Jess. Emmett, Jasper, Jess and I began the tedious task of unloading my truck. With so many of us working together, we got it unpacked fairly quickly. Afterwards, I ordered us some pizza and we sat around in the living room eating and drinking the beer that Jasper had brought over. Jess had left soon after the truck was empty, but Jasper had carried Alice over so she could eat with us.

We had a pleasant conversation, but after a while Emmett needed to head out, too. He gave me a hug, promised he'd come over in a few days after we were more settled, and left. Jasper took Alice home, and Elizabeth and I set out to unpack as much as we had the energy for.

The first week in the new place was quiet. I hadn't heard from Edward since we'd said our goodbyes, and that was okay. I tried not to think about him, but Elizabeth made it hard.

"Hey, Eddie boy!" I heard her say on my phone one night.

Even though she had kept trying to convince me to get her a cell phone, I wasn't sure she was really ready. So, I let her borrow mine from time to time to play games. Hearing her address Edward made my heart skip a beat. _He called me? And she answered?_

"Nah…I'm not a kid, Edward!…oh, yeah, I just missed you is all. Mom's just unpacking…uh-huh…I can tell her…OK. Bye, Eddie boy!" She giggled. A couple minutes later she walked into the living room and sat down next to me on the couch. She handed me my phone. "Edward says hi. He says he's glad we made it safely. It sounded like you guys hadn't talked since we got here?"

Her big brown eyes stared into mine, and I was confused as to how to answer. She had a really good bullshit detector, my girl.

"Oh, you know, just got busy…" my voice trailed off, as I looked back to the TV.

I was lucky that she didn't push it this time, but I knew that she would be asking me again.

The following Saturday after we moved in, Elizabeth and I headed to my parent's house in St. Helena for dinner. We drove up the highway instead of the trail, since it was closer to our place and closer to my parent's home. Elizabeth took in all the sights, and did enjoy the vineyards like I thought she would.

By the time we were there, my stomach was doing backflips. Maybe it was seeing my mother…maybe it was because this was the first time I had been to this home since Jacob had died…maybe it was just the realization that I was home again. Whatever the reason was, my stomach had filled with butterflies the second we parked.

My parents had a modest house in Napa when I was growing up. My father had recently retired from his career as an investment banker in order to work on his own vineyard. When they bought the vineyard, they decided to build a house on the extra land in St. Helena.

"Holy crow, Mom! This place is awesome!" Elizabeth said as we pulled up to the house.

My father opened the door as soon as we parked, and Elizabeth ran up to him, jumping into his arms in a very enthusiastic hug. He swung her around, kissing her forehead, before he turned to me.

"Hi, Daddy," I said, walking swiftly up to him. Charlie Swan hugged me, too, just not as vigorously.

"Come on in. Your mother made dinner for us." He motioned for us to follow him inside the house, and I was struck again at how beautiful it was. Wishing for the millionth time that I had more money, I walked in the house and followed my father to the dining room.

My mother, Renee, was setting down the casserole and drinks as we walked in. She looked up and smiled the same stiff smile that I was used to and gave me a brief hug. Turning to Elizabeth, she hugged her a little longer, but I was used to that, too. My mother and I were never really close, but we had both tried really hard to be civil to each other. We used to fight a lot, and it drove the rest of the family nuts.

"Hello, Isabella. Welcome home," my mother said, sitting down at the table.

I sighed. I haven't been Isabella for at least ten years, but my mother still called me that. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; my mother never had liked any of my ideas.

"So, how's the house?" Mom asked, taking a sip of her wine.

"It's awesome, Grandma!" Elizabeth said, around a huge mouthful of food. "It's right down the road from an awesome park, and I have a slide in my backyard!"

"That sounds wonderful, sweetheart." Mom turned her gaze to me. "What about you, Isabella? Have you started looking for a job yet?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as that familiar question. She asked me that several times a year. "No, Mom, because I have a job."

"Honey, you can do so much more than what you do. Being a secretary –"

"Mom, I'm _not_ a secretary. I'm the communications analyst for the entire company. Everything that has to go to our clients or even internal communications goes through me. I like my job, and I don't want a new one." I leaned over the table and stared at her. "Just because _you_ don't like what I do, doesn't mean that I share the same opinion. My job is great; it pays the bills and allows me to work from home."

"Obviously it doesn't pay all the bills if you were forced to live with a stranger after Jacob's passing," my mother said, stubbornly sticking her chin up in the air.

My father reached across the table and placed his hand on mine. He could see the rage building inside of me and was trying to prevent it.

"You have no idea what I've gone through in the last year," I said, calming my voice so I wasn't yelling. "You don't know, because you never asked. You never called when Jacob was sick, or even after he died. I fail to see how you can care so much about my job when you didn't give a shit that my husband was dying from cancer." I stood up slowly, leveling her with a glance. "Don't you ever talk to me about Jacob again. And, until you start respecting me, you don't get to mention my job again either.

"I try to be tolerant of you, Mother, but I'm done. I've been to hell and back this last year and barely got out in one piece. I don't deserve this from you."

Without looking back, I walked away from the table instantly regretting all that I had said. Not to my mother, but with Elizabeth sitting there listening to all of it, too. Yes, the last year had been hard on me, but Elizabeth didn't need to hear all of that.

"Always so feisty," Dad said, walking up behind me. I was standing outside on the deck, staring up at the green hills surrounding the valley.

"She pushes my buttons every time. Jacob was good at keeping me from scratching her eyes out." I leaned over the banister, unable to look at him. "I shouldn't have said all of those things with Elizabeth in the room."

Dad mimicked my posture, leaning over the banister. "She's not as fragile as you think. She may only be nine, but she is growing into a woman. She told your mother off after you left, too."

"Oh, no!" I buried my head in my hands. "What did she say?"

"She said 'leave my mom alone,' or something to the affect." He chuckled for a minute before sighing. "Elizabeth's not blind, Bella. She's been with you the last year, watched you suffer. She knows a lot of what you are going through, because she's going through some of it, too.

"And, your mother isn't as unsympathetic as you may believe. She only wants what's best for you, but she has never gone through a loss like you have. She doesn't know what to say to help you."

"Maybe she shouldn't say anything at all then," I grumbled, finally looking at him. "I will apologize for my outburst, but I won't apologize for what I said."

"Understood."

We walked back in, and sat back down at the table. My mother was quiet throughout the rest of the meal, and I wondered if I had finally gotten through to her.

Somehow, I really doubted that.

After one of the most uncomfortable nights in my life was over, we started heading toward the car. Elizabeth and I both hugged Charlie, but I couldn't step toward my mother. She turned her critical eyes on me, though.

"Elizabeth, why don't you wait in the car? I want to speak with your mother alone." I almost groaned, but instead nodded to Elizabeth to obey.

Once she was safely in the vehicle, I turned to look at my mother, dreading what I was going to hear. "Isabella…I'm sorry that I upset you."

Shock. "Wh-wh-what?" I stammered. I couldn't remember a time that she had apologized to me.

"Your father and I have had many discussions over the last year since Jacob passed, and I know how hard life has been for you. I am sorry that I brought it up, and I won't ever speak to you about it again."

"Thank you," I responded, starting to turn away.

"If she had just listened to me in the first place, she would not be in this situation now." I heard my mother whisper.

_Any other day, mother, and I might have let that slide._

"Excuse me?" I said, turning around to face her.

To her credit, Renee looked stunned that I had heard her. "I just meant that if you hadn't married Jacob, like I said, then you wouldn't be in this situation now."

I watched Charlie's face go from shocked to pissed in about a millisecond. I was sure that his face was mirroring mine.

"You bitch…" I spat out at her. Involuntarily, I took a step closer to her. "If you ever even _mention_ Jacob's name to me again, I swear to God I will break your pretty little nose."

I walked away then, hoping like hell I didn't have to see her again for a long time, and wishing I could cry on Edward's shoulder.

**A/N: I know, kind of a long chapter. Unfortunately, it was hard to chop this one up. Let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6 - Settling In

**A/N: Hello again! First of all, I have to say that I am overwhelmed by the response to my story! You guys are amazing, and your reviews are keeping me going! Thank you all!**

**So, we see a little different piece of Bella in this chapter. Recently, I changed the entire outline for this story so I had quite a few re-writes to do. This was actually a really good thing, and something that may not have happened without some of your reviews and my fabulous beta Tori helping me with this. I think you will all appreciate it in the coming chapters. This one is just the start.**

**So, please enjoy this chapter and leave me a review with your thoughts!**

Settling In

Living in Napa again was wonderful...sort of. My mind told me I was doing the right thing, but my heart was hurting. Even though I had promised not to speak with Edward anymore, I found myself thinking of him all the time. I kept picking up my phone and staring at his picture in my contacts, just wishing I had the nerve to call him.

After the disastrous dinner at my parent's house, I decided to avoid my mother entirely. Charlie came up to visit us a few times over the summer, but Renee stayed away. He was great with Elizabeth – they ended up going all sorts of places together while I was working. Elizabeth and Charlie were getting along famously. A couple of evenings, he even took Elizabeth back home to have dinner with him and Renee. My mother was definitely nicer to my daughter, so I didn't have any problem with that.

The only problem that I had was I was my loneliness. Alice had her baby, a beautiful little girl named Kaley. While I was so happy for her, she wasn't able to hang out with me as much as I had hoped. Kaley took up most of her time, which was totally understandable.

Most of my friends had all left Napa and, since I worked from home, I didn't get a chance to get out much to meet anyone new. By the end of the second month of the summer, I was completely depressed. After Elizabeth went to bed each night, I found myself crying and missing...who? Edward? Jacob? Both? I couldn't be sure...I just knew I was missing something – someone.

So, instead of being an adult about the situation, I began Facebook stalking him – Edward. All the pictures he posted, places he checked-in and any status updates. It was pathetic, I know, but it was impossible for me to look away.

My decision to call him came out of nowhere. It was early August, and Elizabeth and I had gone school shopping that day. She was in her room on her computer, and I was making dinner. I had decided on spaghetti, an old family recipe that my Grandma Swan had shared with me years ago. Edward had always made sure Jacob invited him over if I made it. The loneliness had settled in me so deep that I couldn't breathe, so I turned the burners down to low and grabbed my cell phone, walking into my room.

He answered on the fourth ring, causing anticipation to build to an uncomfortable level.

"Bella?" He answered, sounding groggy.

At first, I didn't say anything. Just hearing his voice caused my heart to race.

"Bella? Is that you?"

"Edward," I breathed.

"Am I dreaming?" he said, chuckling. "What's going on, Bells?"

My mouth curved into a smile, as he used Jacob's favorite nickname for me. It didn't cause the sharp pain in my heart as I was expecting. It made me happy.

"No, you aren't dreaming silly. I was expecting you to still be awake. What time is it there, nine?" I laughed. "What's up with you?"

Edward laughed, and I heard shuffling around in the background. "Been working a lot lately and I have just been super tired. I usually go to bed around 8:30 or so now."

"Damn, Edward. That's really sad."

"Yeah? And what time do you normally go to bed, Mrs. Black?"

"Um..." _Damn, he caught me. _He knew I couldn't stay up late hardly ever.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So," he paused for a moment. "Are you okay? I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

"I know. I-I'm sorry Edward. I couldn't..." My eyes welled up with tears, and before I knew it I was sobbing on the phone. "I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I can't breathe."

"What has you feeling this way, Bells? Did something happen?" His voice full of concern.

"N-no, n-nothing happened..." I sniffled, still unable to stop the steady stream of tears pouring down my face. "I, well, I miss you."

There was a pause on the other end of the line, but I could hear Edward sucking in his breath. "Oh, baby, I miss you, too."

"I am so stupid."

"No, you aren't. You did what you thought would be best for you and Liz. You were trying to be a good mother, and save yourself from feeling worse about Jake. Bella, what can I do to help you?"

I hesitated. Could I really ask him what was in my heart? "Can you take some time off work soon?" I blurted out, trying not to think too much.

"Maybe...what are you thinking?"

"I was thinking I could pay for you to come visit us. Maybe for a week?" I asked hopefully. "I mean, I understand if you can't take off work, or if you don't want to come out, but I was just thinking that Elizabeth goes back to school in a couple weeks, and it would be awesome if you could come at some point..."

"Bella, take a breath." He laughed. I could almost see him running his hand through his hair while he laughed at me. "I don't think that I could make it out before Liz starts school again, but I could definitely make it out there before the end of the month. And, no, you are _not_ paying for me to come out."

"Edward," I breathed, completely comforted by his words. "Are you sure you can do that? Do you really want to come visit us?"

"I'll tell you all about my life the last couple of months, Bella, but the short version of the story is I miss you like hell and I'd do anything to see you both again." He paused and my heart started beating erratically. "Should I book a hotel, Bella?"

His voice was quiet. I knew what he was asking, because I had been asking myself that same question over and over.

_Did I want him to stay with me? _I chuckled quietly. _Don't be a coward._

"Only if you feel more comfortable in a hotel. I'd rather you stay with us...me." I hoped that my statement emphasized the hidden point I was making.

"Bella...are you sure?"

"I've missed you. Your hands on me-"

"Mom! The spaghetti is overflowing!" Elizabeth yelled from the kitchen, breaking the moment with Edward.

"Damn," I swore. "I have to go. Can I call you later? Or will you be sleeping?"

Edward chuckled. "Wake me up anytime, baby."

"'K."

"Bye, Bella."

"Goodbye, Edward."

I hung up the phone and rushed into the kitchen to clean up the mess that I'd created while I was engrossed in talking to Edward. Suddenly, the loneliness I'd been feeling ebbed, and I found that I could breathe a little easier.

Escaping Dallas to put distance between me and Jacob's memories may have been the right thing to do, but after counting on Edward as I had, I realized just how stupid it had been to leave him. He had put me back together and had been there for me and Elizabeth when no one else had been. His friendship and support had meant everything to me.

After dinner, Elizabeth helped me clean up the kitchen. She ran off back to her room, and I sat down on the couch, staring out at the night sky.

_What a mess I made of things._ I shook my head, realizing that I had made the right decision for us at the time. Napa was home, and it was really nice living near Alice, and being close enough to visit Emmett. Napa definitely wasn't the problem.

I didn't want to go back to Dallas that was for sure. But Edward...my heart ached to be near him again. My feelings for Jacob hadn't changed, not at all. My heart still ached with loss. But, what if I was making my depression worse by forcing myself away from Edward? Even after all this time, would he still make me remember Jacob, or would I just feel happy to be with _him_?

"Elizabeth!" I called, standing up from the couch. "Time to get ready for bed!"

I heard the normal grumbling coming from her room, but no fighting tonight. That was a first. Elizabeth went to bed about a half an hour later; I ran to my room to call Edward back.

"Miss me already? Didn't we just talk a couple hours ago?" he said, chuckling into the phone. This time he sounded perfectly awake.

"I just wanted to finish our conversation. It didn't feel like we finished it...where did I leave off? Were your hands on me?" I smiled into the phone. This is what I missed the most with Edward.

"Bella," he whispered, my name coming out like a prayer. "Let me finish it in person...this is killing me."

"How soon are you coming out?"

Edward laughed. "I booked a flight just a few minutes ago. I am coming to you on August 13."

"Perfect! Elizabeth goes back to school on August 18 this year, so we'll have time together!"

"I can stay until the weekend of August 22. I have a project that starts the following Monday, so I'll have to fly back that weekend. Is that okay, Bella? Am I staying too long?"

"Ha! Not at all." I bit my lip as a flood of emotions cascaded over me. "I can't wait to see you."

"Baby...I can't wait to see you either. I've been waiting for you to call." His voice was husky, which was driving me crazy.

"I better go before I start finishing the conversation," I giggled.

"Yeah, okay. Hey, call me again sometime? Even though I'm coming out in a week and a half? Don't be a stranger, Black."

"I promise," I said, intending on calling him daily from now on. "I'll talk to you later, Edward."

"Bye, Bells."

**A/N: So, Bella has missed him so much that she finally calls him. Who knew that was going to happen? **

**I know that some of you are frustrated with her, and I can definitely understand! She loved her husband so much, and losing him was painful. Her feelings toward Edward are confusing to her, because she doesn't feel that she should feel this way about someone other than Jake.**

**I have a plan, my friends, and you will love it. Just give me time, and a few chapters, to build it up. Good stuff coming up in the next chapter! I hope you are all thirsty, because we are definitely going to have some lemonade to enjoy ;)**


	7. Chapter 7 - Guest

**A/N: Well, I was going to wait the full week, but I was too excited to share this chapter with all of you! Sounded like, from the reviews, you were all excited about it as well. And, because I love you all and because you are so awesome with your reviews, here you go. Enjoy!**

**As a total side note, I found all the comments about "my" Renee very amusing. The character was built off of several different people I know, and not my own mother I promise! I wanted to introduce a "bad guy" and it seemed easy to have the mother be evil. I would love to tell you she gets better….but that really wouldn't be in keeping her character. But I guess we shall see...  
**

**Also, a quick thanks to my super-fantastic-awesome-amazing beta torisurfergirl. Get well soon, chica! Love you!**

Guest

I placed my hand on the wall above my head, bracing myself. Edward was devouring my neck while simultaneously increasing his speed. I gasped as he grabbed my leg, shifting me so he could enter me deeper. At some point, within the last hour when our carnal activities began, I had wondered if it was possible to pass out from this level of lust. Now I was hoping that I wouldn't – this was amazing. The way he filled me up was breathtaking.

Edward chuckled, laughing into my ear. "I quite enjoy the feeling, too, Bella."

"Oh, God, did I say that out loud?" I asked, blushing furiously.

"Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want," he whispered, slowing his movements just slightly. My eyes rolled back into my head as he began circling his hips, hitting me just right.

"I just want you..." My voice trailed off and I found it very hard to concentrate.

Edward stopped, and I moaned from the loss of contact. My eyes flew to his in surprise and found him staring down at me.

"Wha-what's wrong?" I stuttered, seeing the concern in his eyes.

There was hesitation in his eyes but that quickly flashed away, and he smirked down at me, flopping down to the bed and pulling me on top of him. I set a slow pace at first, gradually increasing speed until we were both breathless.

He was everywhere – lips on my neck, one hand on my breast while the other one reached in-between us to circle my clit. I bit my lip to keep from screaming so I wouldn't wake Elizabeth up as he shoved into me so hard and fast that I could feel myself getting close.

"Come for me, Bella," he whispered, rubbing my clit harder.

I moaned and pulled back slightly so that I could latch my lips to his. My mouth opened slightly as I felt myself fall over the edge. Edward leaned back and brought his green eyes to meet mine. I stared into them as long as I could, but when I reached the peak my eyes closed involuntarily.

"Oh, Edward," I whispered, bringing my lips back down. He kissed me with a passion until his own release came, very shortly after mine.

Panting heavily, I settled my head down on his chest after he disposed of the condom, listening to his erratic heartbeat. It was hard to believe that we had just settled right back into each other's arms, and so shortly after he arrived. He had only been in town for about eight hours now, but my need for him didn't care about time. It was all I could do to not pounce on him when I saw him at the airport.

Elizabeth and I had driven into Oakland to pick Edward up from the airport. He had taken a very early flight out of Dallas, so his plane had landed at 10AM. When we saw him, both Elizabeth and I had eagerly ran up to him, throwing our arms around him. He laughed and hugged us both.

Edward and I didn't talk much on the ride back to my house because Elizabeth was animatedly telling him everything he had missed. I felt his eyes on me several times, but I couldn't look at him. I knew that I would get lost in his eyes and wasn't sure that would be a good thing while driving.

"Oh, and Gramma and Mom totally got into a fight when we got home," Elizabeth was saying.

"Is that right? What happened, Liz?" Edward asked.

"Gramma said something about how Mom should have never married Dad and she got what she deserved when he died."

I almost closed my eyes in frustration. The last thing I needed was Edward angry, and I wasn't sure I really wanted him to know how much of a bitch my mother could be.

"What?" Edward exclaimed, turning slightly in his seat to stare at Elizabeth. But I was the one who answered.

"My mother never liked Jacob. I think mostly because _he_ didn't like _her_. He would call her on everything and tell her that she needed to be nicer to me. My mother always hated that about him," I said, snickering. Jacob always could put Mother in her place.

"Bella?"

"I'll tell you later." I knew he would be upset about what she said and would want to know the full story, but I didn't really want to go into it with Elizabeth in the car.

Taking the hint, Edward began asking Elizabeth about the activities she had done with my dad this summer. She talked non-stop until we got home, filling the silence.

Edward took his bag inside the house and continued talking to Elizabeth while I made lunch for the three of us. Deciding on something easy, I set out to make grilled cheese sandwiches, not really paying any attention to their conversation. However, when I heard Elizabeth mention Jacob, I started listening.

"Mom says that Daddy was really nice...I think I'm starting to forget him." Elizabeth's voice was small, but I could hear her clearly.

"Your dad was the nicest guy I had ever met. Did you know that he befriended me at work on his first day? He saw me in the break room trying to get a soda out of the machine." Edward laughed. "It got stuck in the stupid machine and your dad helped me get it out. It wasn't coming, though, so he paid for a different one. He bought me a Dr. Pepper, which was never my favorite, telling me that I needed to live a little. We met for lunch from then on and he always bought me a soda. He would laugh and tell me that he was concerned about my ability to buy my own."

I smiled at the story, not having heard this before. I always thought that they had become friends when they were working on a job together, but Edward's story made sense. Jacob had a great sense of humor and genuinely enjoyed doing things for others. It was easy to see how he and Edward had been friends.

When lunch was ready, I called them both into the kitchen to eat. Once we were done eating, Elizabeth went into her room to change – for the fourth time that day, as was starting to become her daily habit – and Edward and I were left alone. He was sitting at the table while I was cleaning up the dishes. My back was to him, so I didn't see him stand up and walk over to me. All of a sudden, I felt his arms sliding around behind me and his lips on my neck.

"I've missed you, Bella," he whispered into my neck, causing me to shiver at the contact.

Slowly, I turned around to face him and stared into his eyes. "I've missed you, too." He brought his lips down to mine in a sweet, yet searing, kiss. He broke away from me too soon before going back to sit at the kitchen table. Elizabeth walked in shorty after that, dressed in a skirt and tank top.

"So, what are we doing today?" Elizabeth asked, glancing between Edward and me.

"Want to take a walk down to the park?" I offered, wiping my hands on a hand towel. "Uncle Emmett is coming over for dinner tonight, so I can't be gone too long, though."

"How about just me and Eddie go?" Elizabeth asked, smiling at Edward. "You can get dinner ready while we are gone."

"Is that OK with Edward?"

"Sure, that's fine. Liz and I have a lot of catching up to do anyway," he said, smiling at her. "Join us later if you can."

I nodded and smiled at the two of them. _Thick as thieves_, as my dad would say. Elizabeth and I had frequented the park enough that I knew she would be able to find it without any problems.

They left shortly after that, and I started to make my grandmother's spaghetti for dinner. I knew that both Emmett and Edward loved my spaghetti, so it seemed like a good thing to make.

Seeing Edward again had made me so happy that I was humming to myself while cooking. Right when I was setting the sauce to simmer, I heard a knock on the door. I rushed to open it, thinking it would be Emmett, but was surprised to see Alice, holding Kaley.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you today," I said, opening the door to her.

Alice practically bounced in, handed me Kaley and started to look around the living room. "Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb with me, missy. I want to see this guy that makes your toes curl." Amusement flickered in her eyes, as she looked at me.

"Oh, you mean Edward," I said, smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes, flopping down on the couch. "Duh!"

"He took Elizabeth to the park. They should be back soon. I told them to go so that I could get dinner ready." I sat down next to her, grinning at Kaley who was intently sucking her thumb. "She is so cute, Ali."

"Yeah, I know," she said, flippantly. "But, I want to meet him...can Jazz and I come over for dinner, also?"

"Um, yeah, sure...I mean, I should have enough food for you guys, too." I looked at her, almost bouncing on the couch. "What's going on, Alice?"

"I just want to put a face with the name. You have been positively depressed since you got here, and now there's a smile on your face. I want to meet the guy who can inspire this change in my best friend."

Gingerly, I handed Kaley back to her and stood up to go back into the kitchen to stir the sauce. "Well, they should be back soon."

No sooner had I said that, then the door opened. Elizabeth came running in, flying to Alice on the couch. I heard her talking to the baby and make a kissing noise. Elizabeth absolutely adored Alice's baby.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen," I heard Edward say to Alice.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Alice, Bella's best friend."

"Nice to meet you, too, Alice."

"Bella invited Jasper, my husband, and I to join you guys for dinner. I hope that's OK?"

"Of course. The more the merrier. Although, based on what I can smell coming from the kitchen, I have to warn you."

"Uh...warn me about what?"

"I have a tendency to Bogart Bella's spaghetti, so watch out. I may not let you have any." His voice teased, laughing a little. Alice joined him after a second.

"Well, based on what I know of Bella, she tends to make about twenty servings too many when she makes this. I think you'll be fine, big guy." Alice laughed again. "Lizzy, can you hold Kaley for a minute? I'm going to go tell Jazz to stop trying to burn the pot roast so we can eat dinner here."

"Sure, Aunt Alice."

I heard the door close and turned around slowly. Edward was making his way into the kitchen with a big smile on his face.

"She seems very energetic for a mother of a three-month-old," he observed, sitting down at the table.

"Oh, Ali has always been like that. It's almost like she thrives on no sleep. That's how she was in high school anyway."

"Smells good, Bells. Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah..." I was interrupted by a knock at the door. "…go get the door."

He laughed and made his way to the living room to open the door.

"Hey, Ed. How you been, man?" I heard my brother say.

"Good, Emmett. How're you doing?"

"Excellent. Good to see you again."

I heard them talking and laughing. It amazed me how easily they got along. For some reason, I was expecting Emmett to be all "big brother" with Edward, telling him to stay away from me or something. However, based on what I was hearing, it would sound like they'd been friends forever to someone who didn't know better.

Alice and Jasper walked in shortly after that, and all of them sat around the table in the dining room chatting. Elizabeth walked into the kitchen and started peering around me at the stove.

"Is it ready yet? I'm starved." she said, leaning against the counter.

"It's almost ready. Why don't you set the table?"

She sighed, but went to the cupboard and took out the plates. She was gone for a few minutes, and I could hear her talking to the others in the dining room.

"Hey, Lizzy, you want us to eat the spaghetti with our hands?" Emmett said, jokingly.

"Oh! I forgot silverware!" she said, rushing back into the kitchen. She grinned sheepishly at me before grabbing the forks and heading back into the dining room.

Dinner went surprisingly well. Jasper, Edward and Emmett chatted easily, as if they had known each other for years. Alice kept smiling at me, even while keeping up with Elizabeth's conversation. By the time dinner was done, and we were all sitting outside enjoying the warm evening, I was so happy and content that I could hardly think straight.

Alice and Jasper were the first to go, saying they needed to get Kaley down for the night. As they were heading out, Alice looked back and me and mouthed 'yummy,' before turning and bouncing out the door. Emmett left shortly after, hugging Elizabeth, shaking Edward's hand, and then coming over to hug me, too.

"He's good, Bella. Keep him," he whispered, before kissing me on the forehead and leaving.

Edward and I had hugged Elizabeth before she went to bed. After her door closed, he and I made eye contact and came together simultaneously, kissing each other like crazy. It hadn't taken long before we had ended up in my bedroom.

"What are you thinking, Bella?" Edward whispered into my hair, bringing me back to the present.

"I was just thinking how easily you got along with my brother and friends tonight. You seemed to fit in quite well…just like Jacob. He and Emmett, of course, were friends before I knew him. Jake and Jasper got along well also, which was good considering how close I am to Alice. It's nice that you get along with them also." My hand drifted up his chest, gently playing with chest hair, trying desperately to hide the fact that I was deeply blushing. _Did I really just compare Edward and Jacob? Great._

"Well, it's easy to get along with them...they are all really nice. Jasper and Emmett are hilarious." Edward turned slightly, so that he could meet my eyes. "What am I doing here, Bella?"

I sucked in a breath, having known that this question would come eventually. "I missed you. I've been really lonely here, and I wanted to see you again." My lip started trembling against my will, and I could feel the tears welling up. "I know it was terribly selfish of me to ask you to come here, and I'm sorry about that. I...I just needed you. I feel like I'm totally alone."

Edward searched my eyes for something before he smiled and kissed me lightly. "It's OK, Bells. I'm here now."

I settled into his arms, feeling sleep begin to take me. Edward kissed my forehead and whispered, right as I was falling under, "I'll always be here for you."

**A/N: So, what did you think? Was it what you hoped it would be? We have more of their time together in the next chapter…so stay tuned! Reviews make me post faster! **

**Don't forget to follow me on Twitter, At numtwelve.**


	8. Chapter 8 - Reality

**A/N: Well, I didn't want to wait too long to post this chapter, because you guys seemed really anxious about it! Without further ado, here you go!**

**Quick note of thanks to my wonderful beta torisurfergirl. 3**

Reality

Edward and I spent the whole two weeks in unified bliss. We went out with Elizabeth during the day, but once she went to bed, he and I enjoyed each other. He was so familiar with my body that he knew exactly where and how to touch me to get me heated.

Sex wasn't the only thing we did, though. We would spend hours each night just talking. We would talk about how much we missed Jake, how Elizabeth was acclimating to her new life in Napa and how _I_ was doing. Edward was very understanding with all of it.

"How come you haven't gotten out and made friends?" he asked one night after we had both caught our breath. "You're an easy person to like, Bells. You should be able to make friends."

I shrugged, running my hands up and down his chest. He was so well defined that looking at him almost made me weep. Touching him like this was also getting me hot again...

"I don't know...I guess I don't know where to start. I'm not much of a bar drinker, and I have a feeling that anyone I meet at a bar wouldn't enjoy my company for long." I snorted.

"What about—" his breath hitched as I began running my fingers along the hemline of his boxers he had just put back on, "—trying the PTA or something? Then you could meet other parents?"

"I'm not sure if I'm PTA material," I whispered, sliding on top of him. "For example, what I'm about to do to you is definitely not acceptable."

Edward growled and flipped us over so he was on top of me. He sucked my ear lobe into his mouth, before moving down my neck. "That depends on who is talking...as a matter of fact, I think that this is perfectly acceptable."

My heart began to race as he sucked on the soft spot behind my ear, a place he had found yesterday that was extra sensitive. Slowly, he brought my arms above my head, circling one hand around my wrists.

"However, you are changing the subject, Mrs. Black." He smiled down at my sheepish expression, slowly kissing my mouth. "Whatever am I going to do with you?"

My breath hitched again, as he began slowly kissing down my body, releasing my hands. He kissed my stomach and continued down until I could feel his warm breath on my thigh. "What should I do to you, Bella?" his voice demanded.

I couldn't speak. He was blowing cool air right onto my clit, and my brain suddenly turned to mush. "H-h-huh?" was all I could manager.

"Tell me what you want," he demanded again, starting to sit up a little. His movement had changed the flow of his breath, so I couldn't feel him anymore.

"I just want you..."

"Want me to what?" Even though his voice was joking, it almost felt like there was a hidden meaning behind that question.

"I want you to l-lick my clit..." I managed, feeling myself blush.

Immediately, I was rewarded with his tongue flat against my clit. I found myself arching off the bed and almost coming at the first touch. His long, nimble fingers entered me and began pumping in and out, finding my g-spot. His tongue lapped faster as my breathing became more and more erratic. As I began to clench around him, his tongue slowed to a lazy pace.

Once I had finally come down, he crawled up me slowly and kissed me gently. "Now that you're feeling better, what about the PTA?" He smirked that amazing crooked smile of his and I sighed.

"I guess I could give it a try. School starts for Elizabeth tomorrow, so I suppose I could stop in at the office and find out how to sign up for it."

He kissed my nose gently, saying, "Good girl." He pushed against me slightly, and I could tell that he still needed to be taken care of. Somehow, he had managed to remove his boxers without my noticing, so I parted my legs and he slid into me with ease. As we began moving together, I heard him whisper something, but I couldn't quite hear it.

For the next half hour at most, I completely forgot about it. It wasn't until I was finally ready to fall asleep that I remembered.

"What did you say earlier?" I asked, trying to keep my eyes open long enough to hear his answer.

"When?" he asked, yawning.

"Right as that last time started."

"Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Edward..."

"I'll tell you later, OK?"

"OK. 'Night."

"Goodnight, Bells."

~~PMU~~

"So, where is lover-boy now?" Alice asked, giggling like a school girl. We were sitting in my backyard chatting while Kaley slept in her arms.

"He ran to the store. He said that he had a special dinner planned for Elizabeth's first day of school." I said, gazing down at Kaley. "She really is beautiful, Ali."

"Thanks, sweetie." Alice looked at me, leaning her head to the side. "So, how is he?"

"Alice!" I admonished, blushing furiously.

"Oh, come on. You will tell me eventually, you know. We have a few minutes, so spill!"

"How do you even know that we've had sex since he got here?"

"Honey, what room does your room share a wall with in my house?"

I was quiet for a moment, and then my eyes got big. My room shares a wall with Alice and Jasper's room! "Oh my God, Alice! Why didn't you tell me? I'm so embarrassed!"

I leaned forward, placing my hands over my eyes trying not to cry. Alice and Jasper had heard us! Since Edward had arrived, I had known that we were acting like horny teenagers, but it was so hard to stop.

"B, stop that!" Alice said, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Jazz and I think it's wonderful! We aren't mad about it, and you shouldn't be embarrassed! You're an adult, and have every right to enjoy the company of another adult!"

"No...I am acting like a horny teenager. I need to end it." I shook my head, trying to clear it from all of the confusing thoughts.

"Why?" Alice demanded. "Are you happy?"

I was silent for a moment while I thought that over. Since Edward had come, I was spending every night with him. The smile on my face seemed permanent at this point. "Yes. I am really happy."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I _shouldn't_ be happy," I whispered.

Alice sucked in her breath, and asked, "Do you want to explain that to me?" The anger in her voice was evident.

"Jacob's death was just about a year ago. My husband and best friend, partner in crime...he's gone and I am moving on too quickly. Am I happy with Edward? Very much! But I shouldn't be! I need to mourn my husband and take care of our daughter."

"Bullshit."

My head flew up and looked into Alice's eyes. "What?"

"That's bullshit and you know it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't mourn Jacob, because no one can tell you how long you need to do that. All I'm trying to say is that you love Edward, and trying to keep yourself away from him will only hurt two people in the long run...you and him." Alice leaned in, whispering and staring into my eyes. "He loves you already."

Edward got back from the store just a few minutes later, while I was still thinking over what Alice had said. He looked at me questioningly, and I shook my head. My thoughts were so jumbled that I didn't think I could actually explain them to someone else. He smiled at me slightly before walking into the kitchen to begin dinner.

Alice left shortly after Edward came back, leaving me to my thoughts outside. Elizabeth was due home any minute, but I still couldn't stop the wheels from turning in my head.

_Do I love Edward? Does he love me? Am I going to hell because I've been sleeping with my husband's best friend?_ Yes, I have no idea, and yes. A shaky breath escaped my mouth. I do love Edward.

Before I knew it, I was crying. The tears were slipping down my face and landing on the ground as I leaned over, holding my stomach and trying not to hyperventilate. Jacob had been gone for less than a year and I had moved on so quickly. I had fallen in love with someone else...something that I had never thought would happen.

Sobs ripped through my chest as I struggled to breathe. I was insulting Jacob's memory by being in love with someone else so soon, I was sure of it. Jacob had been my husband for ten years before I lost him, and being with Edward made me feel like I was cheating on him.

_And he's leaving in a couple days._ So what? The sooner he leaves the better off I am. Pain shot through my chest at the thought of Edward leaving. My chest tore open, almost as if there was a giant hole keeping me from breathing – living.

"Bella?" Edward asked, kneeling down in front of me. My eyes met his and I knew that I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know how to start it, but I couldn't deny it. I did love him. I loved him with my entire heart. And I was going to have to say goodbye to him. "Bella, you're scaring me. Please, love, tell me what's wrong?"

Shaking my head, I leaned closer to him and rested my forehead against his. Edward put his arms around me, soothing me and comforting me even when he had no idea why I was freaking out.

_I love him_.

Pulling back slightly, I smiled at him. Edward, although he had a look of apprehension and worry, smiled back and kissed me softly. The pads of his thumbs not only helped to ease the tears, but also helped the hole in my chest to lessen. He was here now..._be happy that you have him now. He goes home soon. You can let your chest rip back open then._

"Bella, are you OK?" he asked me one more time.

This time, though, I was able to find my voice. "I'm sorry. I, um, was upset for a minute. I'm OK now. Do you need any help with dinner?"

He didn't believe me—that was obvious. But, he looked like he was going to let it go for now. "No, I'm good. Liz will be here soon. Why don't you go freshen up and wait for her?" He helped me up and hugged me. "Maybe we can go look into that PTA thing tomorrow instead of today?"

Grateful for his understanding, I nodded. He stared into my eyes for a moment before releasing me to get cleaned up.

Elizabeth got home shortly after that, while Edward was still making dinner. I had been able to reconstruct myself so that I didn't look like a total mess and was able to ask her about her day. She animatedly told me about her school, some of her classmates and her teacher. We ate dinner together and then went for a walk. Edward walked next to Elizabeth but kept throwing worried glances back at me.

Once Elizabeth was in bed, I knew the questions would start. I knew he would want to know what happened, and I was worried about what I was going to tell him.

"Bella?" Edward asked, sitting down next to me on my bed. He placed one hand on mine, while the other touched my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I guess I kind of freaked out a little bit."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Shaking my head, I broke eye contact and leaned against him. I took in his strength. "I don't know if I can explain it. Can I just tell you that I had a freak out moment, but I'm better now?"

He sighed and wound his arms around me. "I guess so. I don't want to push you, but I haven't seen you that upset since Jake..."

While I was happy that he wasn't pushing me to tell him, there was a nagging feeling that I should have told him anyway. He deserved to know how I felt. But, what if he didn't feel the same way? _I'm not asking for forever, Bells,_ he had said. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way. Can I take rejection from him? No. That would hurt even more than what I was already going through.

That night, Edward and I didn't make love. He held me all night. It was hard to sleep, but I knew I was doing the right thing for my own sanity. He would be gone soon, and I would have to deal with that. Dealing with rejection on top of that would have ended me.

The next few days went by way too quickly. All too soon, it was time for Edward to head home. Elizabeth and I were both feeling melancholy as we packed up his stuff and headed toward the Oakland Airport.

"Well, girls, I had a great time. Thanks for inviting me out," Edward said, throwing his arms around both of us.

The pain in my chest had gotten steadily worse the closer we got to the airport. I was barely keeping it together and knew that I couldn't lose it with Elizabeth around.

"Will you come back to visit us again?" Elizabeth asked, looking up at him.

Edward glanced at me, and I smiled at him nodding. "Of course I will, kid."

"Don't call me kid, man," she said, jokingly.

"Don't call me man, squirt." He smirked at her, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.

"Don't call me squirt, dude."

Edward smiled and picked her up, hugging her fiercely. She giggled and hugged him back just as hard. Watching the two of them together had always been comforting. At least I knew that she loved him and wanted him around. _That makes two of us, Elizabeth._ I sighed to myself.

He put Elizabeth down and looked at me. He placed his arms around me next and whispered into my ear, "I'll call you as often as I can, or as often as you want. We can write to each other...maybe even Skype. I won't leave you alone, Bella, unless you ask me to. Understand?"

I knew what he was saying. He would never push me into anything I didn't want, but he wanted to continue talking to me. I made myself believe that it was because of me, and not an obligation to Jake that made him want to be with me. Maybe there was no obligation...who knew? I would have to just take what I could get and be happy with wherever it led us. He may not love me the way that I loved him, but he definitely cared for me. That was for sure.

"Call me every day, if you have enough minutes on your phone," I joked, smiling up at him. "I'll miss you, Cullen."

He smirked my favorite crooked smile. "I'll miss you, too, Black."

All too soon, he was walking into the airport and Elizabeth and I were driving away, going back home. My control was slipping, and I could feel the tears welling up.

"Mom?" Elizabeth said, when we were a few minutes away from home.

"Yeah?"

"I miss Edward already."

"Me too, honey."

"Can't he move to Napa? Then we can see him all the time."

"Edward has a job and family in Dallas. I'm sure he doesn't want to move across the country."

She was quiet then, probably thinking over what I had said. By the time we got home, the hole in my chest was causing me to have trouble breathing.

Alice was waiting for us outside the house when we got home. She grabbed Elizabeth and asked her if she could help with Kaley for a little bit. I shot a grateful look at her as Elizabeth took off running for Alice's house.

"Go. Cry it out and get yourself put together," she said, placing her arm on my shoulder. "Liz can't watch you lose it like you are about to. Allow yourself some grief and pain, B. But, remember that you are still a mother and need to be there for your daughter, too." She smiled at me, hugged me quickly, and followed the path that Elizabeth had taken.

_Alice knows me too well._ I walked into the house, and went straight to my room. On my bed was a small package and a note.

_Bells,_

_Thank you for inviting me. _

_I wanted you to have this, so_

_you don't forget about me._

_Call me when you need me._

_You aren't alone._

_Love,_

_Edward_

With shaky hands, I opened the package. Inside was a black velvet box, wrapped in a t-shirt. I pulled the shirt out first and laughed. The shirt that he had been wearing almost every night when we went to sleep – or had attempted to wear, as it usually ended up on the floor with the rest of our clothes – was folded neatly in my lap. I lifted it up and reveled in his smell.

Carefully putting the shirt down, I opened up the box to the most beautiful heart necklace set. There were two, one that was bigger and then a smaller one. Edward had gotten Elizabeth and me matching necklaces. I managed to put the bigger one around my neck before the tears started coming.

I grabbed his shirt and brought it up to my face again, inhaling his smell. That's when I lost it. I curled my body into the fetal position as choking sobs escaped me. Tears flowed freely, and I felt the hole just get bigger.

**A/N: So, several things happened in this chapter…but the most important was Bella finally realizing how she feels about Edward. It was hard for her to figure that out, and that was a journey in and of itself. Alice was insistent that she figure it out, because it was something that the rest of us already knew!**

**And now Edward has gone home. What do you guys think is coming next?**

**Little disclaimer: You will hate Bella more before you start liking her. But don't give up her! We are only a few chapters away from ALL of the answers. Trust me, it will be worth the wait!**


	9. Chapter 9 - Memories

**A/N: Happy fourth of July my friends! As a special holiday weekend treat, here is the next chapter. I know that you were all happy about the last couple of chapters, so be prepared…we deviate from that a little in this one. Yes, Bella has realized that she is in love with Edward, but her brain is telling her that it's too early.**

**Thanks again to my awesome beta, torisurfergirl, who I am happy to say is feeling much better!**

**Enjoy!**

Memories

"_You aren't alone…"I heard Edward say._

_But I was._

_Blackness surrounded me as I wandered from one place to another, never really able to see where I was going. Suddenly there was a light closing in on me, and I could see Edward wrapped in its glow. His perfect, beautiful features were turned down into a frown as he looked at me. Unconsciously I moved toward him._

"_You're no good for me, Bella…"_

"_But, Edward, I love you!"_

"_You are nothing but my best friend's wife. I could never love you the way you love me. You're just no good for me." His voice was forceful as he said the last sentence._

_Pain encompassed me as Edward's words struck my heart, and I was in the darkness again. Edward fled and in his place another man appeared. I found that I couldn't breathe. The man standing in front of me was Jacob. His tall stature loomed over me as his brown eyes glared. The frail person I remembered, so close to the end, was gone, and instead stood a healthy man glaring at me._

"_I'm disappointed in you, Bella."_

"Mom?"

"_I've barely been gone a year and you've moved on?"_

"_Jake, I'm so sorry…I never meant to…"_

"Mom! Wake up!"

"_And with my best friend!?"_

"_I'm sorry, Jake…"_

"Mom! Wake up!" Elizabeth shouted, jarring me out of my dream.

Gasping for air, I sat up and glanced at my daughter. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I guess I was having a nightmare."

"Duh, Mom. You've been screaming for like an hour." She rolled her eyes and plopped on my bed. "Aunt Alice says it helps if you talk things like this out. Wanna talk about it, Mom?"

The situation was almost comical, and I actually managed a smile. "I appreciate it, honey, but I can't talk about it right now. I promise to be quiet." I leaned over and hugged her, kissing her forehead. "Thank you for taking such good care of me. Did I, um, talk or just scream?"

"Just scream…it sounded like you were trying to talk, but I couldn't understand it. And, no problem, Mom." She got up and started walking to the door. Before she left, she turned around with a mysterious grin on her face and said, "Why don't you call Edward? I bet he'd listen, too."

And then she was gone, leaving me staring after her like she had just grown another head.

Unfortunately, as soon as she closed the door behind her, I sank back into darkness as the light from the hallway disappeared. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I decided that I should just get up. It was four-thirty and my alarm will go off at five anyway.

So, I wandered into the kitchen, turning on my laptop as I passed by the kitchen table. I pushed the power button on for the coffee maker, having made it last night, and sat to wait.

While I waited I thought back to my dream. Edward had told me that he didn't love me and didn't want me the way that I wanted him, and Jake had been disappointed in me for moving on too quickly. That pretty much summed up my life. Afraid of tarnishing my husband's memory by pining after another man – his best friend, no less – who I was sure couldn't possibly love me. I guess, in my head, it seemed too soon…no one had actually said anything to me about that.

_Ugh. I am such a mess._

I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and began reading through my work emails, getting ready to start the day. It was around five-thirty when I was able to pull myself out of work by a buzzing on the table.

"Hello?" I said, answering my cell phone.

"Hey, Bells," came Edward's smooth voice.

"Hey! How are you?" It had been a couple of days since I had spoken to him, so hearing his voice was reassuring. I was sure that I was grinning so big that my cheeks would hurt later.

After he had gone back home in August, true to his word, he had begun calling me almost every night. Our conversations would start with pleasantries, but would always move to more serious topics. The last conversation we'd had, we were discussing politics and religion. While we didn't agree on everything, I found that I didn't get heated while talking to him. Jake and I used to have fights about political and religious subjects; Edward and I could just agree to disagree.

"Um…are you OK?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Yeah I'm fine, why?"

He paused for a minute before continuing, "Do you know what today is?"

I glanced at the calendar on my computer and froze. October 2nd. The anniversary of Jake's death. Somehow, with everything that had been going on inside my head, I had managed to forget what today was.

"Oh…" I said, exhaling slowly. "I can't believe that I forgot."

"I'm sorry…the last thing I wanted to do was remind you, but I thought you might be having a tough morning and wanted to see how you were doing."

"Thank you, Edward." _Dammit! I need to stop obsessing on this relationship with him! I had forgotten about Jake's death!_ "Um, I should go. Elizabeth has to get up and get ready for school soon."

"OK…um, Bells? I just wanted to call and tell you that I was thinking of you, and Liz, this morning. I'll call you later, OK?"

"Yeah, OK. Thanks, Edward. Bye."

I hung up the phone and stared at the date again. I was definitely losing it. With all my selfish musings about whether a relationship with Edward was a good idea or not, I had completely failed as a wife.

_Jake's gone, and you've already let him go._ My brain may have been trying to remind me by throwing me that horrid dream last night, but I hadn't actually remembered it until Edward said something about it.

Later in the day, when I was taking a lunch break, Alice stopped by to check on me. Her caring look sent me into a spiral of shame, from which there was no way to recovery. I broke down, sobbing into her arms the second that she sat down on the couch next to me.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I know that today has to be hard on you. What can I do?" Alice said, gently stroking my hair.

"I'm so stupid and selfish…"

"Why would you say that? Today is the anniversary of when you lost your husband. You're allowed to be upset."

"It's not just that…I have been so consumed by wondering if Edward and I should be together that I actually forgot what today was. Edward had to remind me!" I felt a little nervous admitting that to Alice, I didn't want her to think less of me. But, if anyone would understand and listen to me it would be her.

"Oh, B…you aren't selfish. Edward makes you happy and there's nothing wrong with that! Jake's gone, and while I know that it isn't the ideal situation, Edward wants to be there for you." Alice leaned back a little so that she could look at me. "He loves you. When are you going to see that?"

"He doesn't love me, Ali. He told me on the phone months ago that he wasn't asking for forever. All the sex we had was just trying to comfort each other, because we are both sad about losing Jake. He told me that."

Alice sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "OK, B, I can understand why you would think he doesn't love you. But, ask yourself these questions before you focus too much on the things that he said so long ago. Why would he drop everything and come stay with you for a couple of weeks? Why would he take the time to get to know your family and friends? Why would he call you almost every day if he was just trying to comfort you?"

"He came out because I asked him to and he's a good guy. There's nothing more to this than that." I shrugged, wiping the last of my tears away. _But, what if he did feel more? If I was too blind to see it…he loves Elizabeth and he came from Texas to be with the two of us. Am I being stupid?_ I wasn't able to vocalize my questions to Alice, though, for fear that I would actually start hoping that he did care for me the way I did for him.

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "Someday you'll see it all so clearly and you'll wonder why you didn't believe me. Trust me. I know things." She smiled at me and stood to leave. "Kaley will need to eat soon. I just wanted to see how you are. Let me know if you need anything, OK?"

I nodded and watched her bounce out of my house.

Working through the rest of the afternoon was so difficult, but somehow I managed. I was deeply conflicted by my life right now, so trying to concentrate on work was not easy.

Elizabeth came home and I stopped working immediately. She sat in the kitchen doing her homework while I began making dinner. So far, neither of us had mentioned what today was.

"Mom?" she asked, looking up from the table. "Do you miss Daddy?"

That question almost brought me to my knees. If only she knew what was going on inside my head. "Yes, I do, sweetie. But, that's OK. Every time that we miss him, he grows a little bit in our hearts. He was very important to both of us, and he deserves to be missed."

She nodded with wet eyes and turned back to her homework. We ate dinner in silence and then she went off to her room. I almost went after her to see if she was OK and if she wanted to talk, but something in me told me that I needed to give her time.

By the time she went to bed, I was a nervous wreck. I knew that Edward was planning on calling me but he normally waited until after Elizabeth's bed time.

Right on time, I saw his face light up my phone.

"Hello, Edward."

"Hey, Bells. How did your day go?"

_Do I tell him? Oh, what the hell. What do I have to lose?_ "Pretty crappy, actually. Since you called this morning I've been going over and over the fact that I forgot about what today was. I feel like I've failed Jake for not remembering."

"Honestly, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Of course, it depends on how you want to remember him. I prefer to think of him alive, and remember the things we did together. Like the first time he brought me home for your spaghetti. Do you remember that?"

I laughed, remembering that day. Jake had brought Edward home, saying that they were working on a project together and would have to work late. Since that night was spaghetti night, Jake had insisted that they continue working from our house after dinner.

"You complimented my spaghetti and then dumped it all down your shirt! Jake had to get you another shirt to wear because yours was a total mess."

"And you were ever the hostess. You didn't crack a smile or anything…you just helped me clean up and threw my shirt in the washer." Edward chuckled.

"You were such a mess," I said, laughing with him. "I had to rinse the shirt off in the sink before throwing it in the washer. How you managed to get nothing on my floor, I'll never know."

Edward was silent for a minute. "It's OK to miss him, Bells."

Sighing, I sat down on my bed. "I know. I just wish that this hadn't happened. He was such a good man and didn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this." He paused for a moment. "I miss him, too."

"Do you ever feel guilty?"

"About what?"

"About sleeping with me…" I whispered, almost dreading his answer.

"No, Bella. No. We were just comforting each other, right? And we _are_ friends. Do you feel guilty about sleeping with me?"

"No!" I said, a little too quickly. I couldn't stand the idea of him knowing just how much guilt our actions had put on me.

"What do you think changed?"

Slowly standing up from my bed, I pondered his question. I knew exactly what had changed, of course, but I wasn't ready to tell him just yet. The pure fear of losing him, even though I didn't technically have all of him now, was grabbing my throat and making it hard for me to breathe. Of course, the pain of losing Jacob was still raw, but for some reason the thought of losing Edward had begun to rank right up there, given how much pain I had felt in the dream when he had rejected me. I had to choose my words carefully here…Edward could always tell when I was lying, so I had to make it seem convincing.

"Maybe it was the time we had apart, or the fact that I'm home now and not somewhere that reminds me of Jake. I'm not sure, but I didn't feel guilty about it at all. I still don't. In fact, I rather enjoyed it."

"So did I, Bella. When can I come back?" he said, laughing.

"Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?" I said, thinking fast. "Elizabeth and I would love to have you come out."

"Actually, I was planning on going skiing with my parents for Thanksgiving. I'm sure I can change my plans, though."

"Oh, no, Edward! Don't do that!"

"Bells, trust me, coming out to see you and Liz would be much more fun for me. My parents are awesome, don't get me wrong, but if I have to sit through another meal of 'how come you aren't married,' I may kill myself." Edward laughed.

I had actually been wondering that, too. Since today was apparently 'Bella puts her foot in her mouth day,' I decided to ask. "How come you aren't married, Edward? You're a wonderful man and very easy to like."

He was silent for a moment, and I could almost picture him running his hands through his hair. "I'm not sure how to answer that, Bells. Do you really want the truth or…"

"Of course I want the truth."

"I am in love with someone, but she's not, um, as available as I would want. But, I'm hoping that she comes around soon."

"What does that mean? Not as available…" My stomach clenched at the thought of Edward loving someone else. I knew I shouldn't have fallen for him. _Stupid, Bella. Very stupid!_ My heart was going to be broken in the near future, of this I was sure. But, I just couldn't pull away. I needed him too much.

"Let's change the subject, please. What did you do today?"

He was hedging around something, I was sure of it. But, honestly I didn't know if I could take listening about another woman anyway, so I let him. I briefly explained my day, leaving out the conversation with Alice, and asked him about his.

All too soon, I felt my eyes start to burn and I began to yawn.

"Bells, it sounds like you are ready to go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow, OK?"

"OK. Thanks, Edward. Thanks for calling me today and helping keep my mind off of everything." I yawned again, sinking down in my bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I knew I was going to be asleep in no time.

"That's what I'm here for. I told you, you aren't alone. Take care, Bella. Talk to you later."

"You, too. Love you."

Yawning I ended the call and set my head down on the pillow. It took about five seconds for me to sit up, wide awake and stare at my phone.

_What the hell did I just say!?_

**A/N: Uh-oh…can't wait till the next chapter to find out what happens? Will be posting it early next week! Let me know what you thought, and have a wonderful holiday weekend!**


	10. Chapter 10 - Pulling Away

**A/N: Hello my friends. Here is the follow up to the accidental "I love you" line from the last chapter. Remember, you will hate Bella before you love her. Just keep that in mind.**

**Thanks again to my lovely beta, torisurfergirl. Glad you are feeling better, chica!**

**Enjoy!**

Pulling Away

_Buzz…buzz…buzz…_

I glanced down at my phone. Edward was calling again. That was the fourth time today, but I hadn't answered any of his calls. Since the disastrous 'I love you' line from last night's phone call, I hadn't been able to face him.

My head was leaning against my hands on the kitchen table, where I was supposed to be working. I kept staring at my computer and all of the work I needed to do, but I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept replaying that moment over and over.

Frustrated, I stood up and got a bottle of water out of the fridge. _What the hell is wrong with me? What could have possessed me to say that?_ OK, so I had been really tired and not fully aware of myself. Or, maybe I was just saying that as a friend…but what if he didn't believe that? No, I would tell him I was really tired and didn't know what I was saying. If I ever actually answered the phone, that is.

By the end of the day, Edward had called six times and I hadn't picked up once. I was almost drowning in my sorrow at this point as I was waiting for…something. I wasn't really sure of what, though. Elizabeth had noticed my melancholy behavior and had asked if I was OK. I just smiled and nodded and asked her to pick out a movie to watch this evening.

"Mom, can we watch Enchanted?" Elizabeth asked, holding up the DVD case.

"Sure, honey."

Throughout the movie, I was only barely aware of it. I started paying attention to it towards the end, where the main character started to fall for the wrong guy. At that point, my brain started going into hyper drive.

_She was supposed to love the guy in the fairytale…the one that her world said she should. But she found herself in a difficult situation and fell for the wrong guy. Or, not the wrong guy for her perhaps, but the wrong guy according to the fairytale. Interesting._

_Is Edward the wrong guy for me, like the fictional Edward character? Or is he the Robert character that seems wrong but ends up being exactly what I've always wanted?_

_Perhaps I'm overthinking this. Yes…this is a movie and doesn't really correlate to a real life situation. For one, I don't hardly ever break out into song._

I snickered at that comment and watched in fascination as the whole story worked out for the best. Everyone, except the wicked witch, ended up being happy, making the story very pretty and sweet. I had seen the movie before, of course, but it never struck me as much as it did today.

"It's funny, isn't it Mom, that one of the main guy's named Edward?" Elizabeth asked, getting up from the couch and turning the TV off.

"Yeah, well it is a pretty common name, I suppose." I stood up as well and glanced at her. "It's time to go to bed, sweetie."

"Ugh. OK," she said, slumping down a little and heading toward the bathroom to get ready. "I hate bed."

"I know, but you have school tomorrow. Brush your teeth and I'll be in there in a minute to tuck you in."

I walked back into the kitchen to put the popcorn bowl in the sink and I noticed that my phone was flashing. Picking it up, I saw that I had a text from Edward.

**Edward: Please talk to me.**

Sitting down at the kitchen table, I stared at my screen. Another text popped up before I could decide if I wanted to answer him.

**Edward: Just call me so we can figure this out, OK?**

Sighing, I set my phone down and walked in to put Elizabeth to bed. I headed back into the kitchen to grab my phone and walked into my bedroom. Pulling up Edward's contact page in my phone, I hit the call button and waited for him to answer.

"Bella, thank God. Why didn't you answer any of my calls today?" Edward asked, his voice sounding a little frantic.

"Honestly, I was embarrassed and didn't know what to say." I sat down on my bed and put my head on my pillow.

"Why? If it's because of what you said at the end…."

"Of course it is, Edward. I'm sorry that I was really tired and didn't realize what I was saying. It was a total slipup."

He was silent for a moment. "So, that's not how you feel about me?"

Now it was my turn to be silent. He had given me the opportunity to tell him, but for some reason I was sure that I couldn't be honest. "No, Edward. I mean, I love you as a friend of course, but we had decided long ago that neither of us were asking for forever. Remember?"

He sighed, sounding a bit relieved to me. "Yes, Bella, of course I remember. Are you sure that you don't feel that way about me?"

It took everything in me at that moment to lie. "Yes, I'm sure. I don't feel that way about you."

He paused again. "OK, well if that's the case then don't worry about it. I know you were tired last night…we had talked really late. I'm sorry it caused you stress."

For one irrational moment, I was angry. He's apologizing to me! And why didn't he—no, stop. If he had felt the same then surely he would have said something. I already knew that he didn't love me the way that I love him, and it was dumb of me to hope otherwise.

"Bells?"

"Yeah, I'm here," I whispered, closing my eyes.

"Are you OK?"

"Um, yeah, I'm all right."

"What are you thinking about?"

_Ha! As if he really wants to know._ "Oh, nothing. It's just been a really long day."

"Anything you want to talk about?" I could hear the strain in his voice and it caused my heart to clench. I was causing problems for him, and possibly preventing him from meeting anyone new.

"Not really. What about you? Go on any dates recently?" I asked, crossing my fingers that he would say no.

"Um, no, I haven't really dated in a while."

"That's sort of unusual for you, isn't it? I mean, when Jake was alive you used to go out on dates all the time. In fact, didn't he set you up with some chick from work?"

"Yeah, he did." Edward laughed. "Miss Peggy Sue from Georgia. Man, did you ever meet her?"

"No, I don't think so. What was she like?"

"She was the very picture of southern belle, which was really strange. I mean, I know I live in the south and all, but she seemed totally over the top."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we went out to dinner and she ordered grits. For dinner! And then she proceeded to put butter on it and tell me that I should try some. Having never been a fan of grits, I refused, so I got a thirty minute lecture on how 'you live in the south so you should eat like you do.'" He laughed again, and this time I joined him. "All I could think was the chick from Gone with the Wind was yelling at me over something that is definitely an acquired taste!"

We laughed for another minute. "So, OK, I totally see why you didn't like her. Being yelled at on the first date doesn't really set the tone for a romantic relationship. But, why aren't you dating now."

Edward sighed and took a moment before he responded. "Because that woman I told you about doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel for her. But, I guess that I keep hoping she will change her mind."

"Oh," I whispered, suddenly feeling nauseous. "Anyone I know?"

"Um, nah…listen don't worry about it."

"Edward," I started, not knowing exactly how to phrase my question. "Are you not dating because you want to be available for me?"

"What?"

"I mean, because you know Elizabeth and I are going through a rough time right now, so you want to make sure that you aren't tied to anyone in case we need your help or something?"

"Oh, um…maybe a little bit. You two are important to me, so obviously I want to help if I can."

I sighed, staring at the ceiling. "That's not fair, Edward."

"To who?"

"To you. You should feel like you are free to date, or do whatever you want, without Elizabeth and me holding you back. Maybe we should take a step back and make this friendship way more casual. I would hate to think that you missed an opportunity with the person that you would eventually love because of us."

"Bella, I don't think"—

"Please, Edward, just listen to me. I have been relying on you way too much. I'm going to step back a little and let you live your life. I will call you, I'm not saying that I won't. But, I just won't do it every night like I have been. You need to live your life. Get out there and go on dates and enjoy yourself. You shouldn't have to wait around for me."

"What if I want to wait around for you?" His words made my heart skip a beat. If only he was saying something more…that he wanted to be with me. But, I knew that it couldn't be true, since he had already said he was pining for someone else.

"I know you are a good guy, that's part of why I enjoy talking to you so much. But, I can't be selfish. Not anymore, anyway. Please, Edward. Just trust me. Get out there and live."

He sighed again. "Is this really what you want?"

"Yes."

"OK, Bells. I won't call you every day, but I'll call you on the weekends so I can speak with Liz and see how things are going."

"And promise me that you'll at least try to date. Maybe this other woman likes you, too. Maybe you should try asking her out." My heart broke as I gave him that advice. _Stupid, Bella. Just throw him right into her lap. Who wouldn't love him?_

"Um, yeah, probably not going to happen, though. But, I will try."

"OK, Edward, well I'm going to head to bed soon. I will talk to you later, OK?"

"OK, Bells. Have a nice night."

"You, too."

Once I had hung up the phone, I let the tears slide down my cheeks. It was for the best, definitely. He would see that one day. I may never get over him, but maybe this is what I deserved. I had moved on from Jake way faster than I should have, and this must've been my punishment.

I fell asleep remembering his voice and his touch, which comforted me into a dreamless sleep.

**A/N: Thank you all for reading. More chapters soon.**


	11. Chapter 11 - Moving On

**A/N: Happy weekend, my friends! OK, so remember when I said that you would hate Bella before you liked her…yeah, this is the chapter where you really begin to hate her. Trust me, the GOOOOOOOD part is coming…just not in this chapter. If you've read my stories before, then you definitely understand that I would NEVER let them NOT be happy. I know that's a double negative, but you know what I mean :).**

**Thanks again to my lovely and talented beta, torisurfergirl. You rock!**

**I won't say enjoy, but definitely read anyway. It will all be worth the wait – I promise!**

Moving On

The days felt much lonelier now. I was becoming depressed again. But it was of my own making, so that also added a touch of guilt. My life while Edward and I had been talking daily was definitely filled with more happiness. The activities of each day felt monotonous, and I felt like I was just walking lazily through them. My brain would remember the sound of Edward's voice, making me turn instantly sad.

The last conversation we'd had felt incomplete somehow. Like I should have said much more than I had…but other than the fact that I hadn't told him how I really felt about him, I couldn't quite figure it out.

Edward still called on the weekends, but would mostly talk to Elizabeth. He and I would only say a few words to each other, which usually was 'how are you?' and 'I'm good,' casually enough that I couldn't tell if there was an underlying emotion in his voice. I felt the desolation in every bone of my body and wondered, again, if I had made the right choice.

Alice had been supportive, at first, but was quickly losing patience with me. "OK, so you are in love with him, but you won't tell him. Instead, you have sent him into the arms of another woman."

Startled, I had stared at her for a moment before responding. "How did you know that I was in love with him?"

She rolled her eyes. "Duh. It's written all over your face when you talk about him. He loves you, too, you know. I told you that." She absentmindedly rubbed Kaley's back after feeding her. "So, what I can't understand is why you wouldn't just tell him? It's not like he's here for it to be awkward if he didn't feel the same way, which of course he does. What did you have to lose by not telling him?"

"I-i-it's too soon for me to be in love with someone else. He was friends with Jake! I can't imagine what he would think of me if I told him…" my voice trailed off as I tried to imagine his reaction.

"Says who?"

"Huh? Says who, what?"

"Who says that it's too soon for you to be in love with someone else?"

"Um…I don't know, society? Didn't someone say once that you have to mourn the loss of someone for at least half the time that you were together?"

Alice laughed at that and switched Kaley over to the other shoulder. "Yeah, that was in Sex and the City, which is a fictional show. That doesn't make it true. You move on when you are ready."

"You don't think that a year is too soon?" I asked, shocked. I was sure that I was moving too fast too soon, and that most people would agree with me.

"Let me ask you a question first, before I respond to you. Do you really love Edward?"

"Yes," I said with no hesitation.

"Then, no, it's not too soon."

After that conversation with Alice, I found myself wondering why I had decided that it was too fast. Perhaps I felt guilty for having the ability to move on after Jacob…maybe because I felt like I should have just stopped living as soon as he did. Of course, Elizabeth was the main reason why I picked myself back up. But, I realized with a start, Edward had been the other reason.

I realized that I had made a huge mistake, but he was hung up on someone and I didn't want to make his life more complicated. So I let it be. Maybe, someday, he would feel the same for me and would let me know.

I was able to start picking myself back up, realizing that I could live my life without the doom of moving too fast hanging over me. That's when I signed up for the PTA, as Edward had suggested, and how I met Mike.

"Hello, how can I help you?" a pleasant older lady asked me as I approached the PTA booth at the school.

"I would like to sign up for the PTA," I said, smiling at her.

"Oh, wonderful!" she exclaimed. She handed me a stack of paperwork and showed me where the meeting schedule was. I thanked her and turned to walk toward my car when I was stopped by a familiar looking man.

"Isabella?" the man asked, smiling as he took a step closer to me.

"Yes…well, it's Bella now. Do I know you?"

"I'm Mike Newton. We went to high school together. You used to hit me in the head with the volleyball…or basketball, or anything else we were working with." He chuckled and stuck his hand out to shake.

"Oh! Sure, Mike! How are you doing?" Jake had always teased me about my coordination problems; I had hit him quite a few times during tennis matches before he decided I wasn't skilled enough to play with him.

"I've been good. Single parent, you know." He shrugged as if the admission didn't really phase him any.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. I am as well. It's tough, isn't it? Trying to be two parents at the same time?"

He nodded, staring into my eyes. "Yeah, definitely. I mean, I'm definitely better off, though. I like to think of it as being paroled from the jail of marriage." He laughed. "So, Bella, when were you paroled?"

I averted my eyes, suddenly uncomfortable. "Um, my husband died a little over a year ago."

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't know-realize…I'm so insensitive. I'm so sorry!" Mike took another step closer and placed his hand on my arm.

"It's OK, you didn't know." I glanced at my watch in an attempt to escape. "I'm sorry, Mike, but I have to get going. It was nice seeing you again."

"You, too, Bella. Again, I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I started walking away then. Elizabeth was playing with a friend from her class when I got outside.

"Hi, Mom! This is my friend Sierra. She's in my class." Elizabeth smiled at her friend, who looked shyly at me. She had long blond hair and a dimple in her right cheek, standing just a little taller than Elizabeth.

"Hi, Sierra. It's nice to meet you. Are you ready to go Elizabeth?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Elizabeth turned toward her friend with a frown.

"Hey, pumpkin," I heard Mike say behind me. Startled, I turned to look back at him. Sierra ran up to him and gave him a hug. "Hello again, Bella. I see you've met my daughter."

After meeting Mike again, he seemed to collide with my life quite a bit. Elizabeth and Sierra were becoming quite close and constantly wanted to spend time together. Mike would inevitably stay and chat with me after bringing Sierra over to play. I found that after the uncomfortable way that we met, he was actually pretty nice to talk to.

Mike and Sierra had come over the weekend before Christmas so the girls could exchange gifts. After the flurry of wrapping paper was done, the girls ran into Elizabeth's room to start playing with their new toys. Mike and I had settled on the couch, watching them with amusement before they ran off.

"So, I wanted to ask you something," Mike started, shifting on the couch and looking very uncomfortable.

"OK?"

"Well, um, I've really enjoyed getting to know you again these past couple months, and our daughters seem to really get along. Um…"

"What, Mike?"

"I was wondering if you would go out on a date with me? I know it's soon after meeting you and I know that you just lost your husband, but I would really like to get to know you better in a different capacity. I don't want to ruin our friendship or anything, but—"

"What!?" Elizabeth screamed from the entryway into the living room. Startled, Mike and I looked toward her. "You guys are going out on a date?" she practically screamed. Sierra stood behind her in the hallway, looking down at her feet.

"Um, I think we better go. Sierra, get your things." Mike stood up and glanced at me apologetically, before walking toward the door. Sierra appeared shortly after that, thanked Elizabeth for her gift and they were gone before I could even respond to him.

"Mom, tell me you aren't dating him!" Elizabeth howled, walking closer to the couch where I was still sitting.

"Elizabeth, sit down. Your father has been gone for a while, and at some point I may decide to date again." I sighed as she sat down on the couch next to me.

"I don't want you to date," she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I understand that you don't want another man in your life other than your dad, honey, but I may move on at some point. But, I will always talk to you before that happens."

Elizabeth looked up at me, still visibly upset. "OK. Is it all right if I call Edward? I haven't talked to him since last weekend."

"Sure, honey," I said, bringing up Edward's contact information and handing her my phone. Elizabeth took my phone and walked toward her room, shutting the door behind her.

After she left the room, I started considering Mike's question. _Did I want to date him?_ Well, the answer was technically obvious. I wanted Edward, not Mike, but I didn't have Edward accessible to me. Maybe I should consider Mike's offer and at least try getting out there?

Before I could really consider too much, Elizabeth was walking back into the room holding my phone. "Mom, Edward wants to talk to you." Silently, she handed me the phone and walked back to her room, but not before I caught the smug look on her face.

"Hello, Edward."

"Bella."

"How are you doing?" I asked, falling into our normal routine.

"I understand that you are dating someone you just met?"

All at once I was furious. "First of all, I didn't just meet him. We went to high school together. Second, I'm not dating him yet, he just asked me out tonight for the first time. And third, what business is it of yours?"

"It's my business when your daughter calls me out of the blue, crying, telling me that you are seeing someone you shouldn't. It's my business because you and Elizabeth are my responsibility to take care of and protect, and I can't do that if you are seeing some loser." Edward's voice was calm, but there was an edge to it that I had never heard before.

"Edward, I've been taking care of myself for quite some time now, and I don't need you to take care of me or Elizabeth. We are _not_ your responsibility. If I choose to date someone, that has nothing to do with you." I stood up and began pacing. "And I will be speaking to Elizabeth about calling you like that. She shouldn't have done that."

"Bella…I, um, care for you both a great deal. I'm just worried about you and this guy. How well do you really know him?"

"Edward, it's not up to you," I whispered, starting to wonder why I was fighting with him. I didn't really want to date Mike; I wanted Edward. _Why am I making this worse?_

"Fine. Go live your life then, and stop bringing me into it."

"I will. Elizabeth will still call you, if she wants, but I won't."

"Good."

And then he hung up. And my tears started flowing. Because of my stupid pride, I had let him slip through my fingers once more. I really was stupid.

**A/N: *ducks and hides* It gets better, I promise! Starting with the next chapter…I won't be able to resist waiting for a week. The next chapter will be posted SOON, so that I don't leave you all hanging. Just trust me. :)**


	12. Chapter 12 - Uncomfortable

**A/N: OK, as I said in the last chapter, I wasn't going to be able to wait to give you guys this chapter. I will be traveling next week, and didn't want to miss posting this chapter and probably the next three. You will probably get a few additional chapters this week, but because I will be missing for a couple weeks afterwards. **

**Thank you all for the reviews, they help spur me on! Thanks to torisurfergirl for her extraordinary help with this story.**

**Enjoy!**

Uncomfortable

"Happy birthday, Elizabeth!" the huge group assembled at my house shouted, as Elizabeth came into the living room.

It was her double digit birthday party, just after Christmas, and the whole family was there. Mike had come over with Sierra but was keeping his distance from both Elizabeth and me. Every now and then he would awkwardly glance my way. I was used to that at this point, since our disaster of a date.

Fueled by anger at Edward, I had accepted the date offer from Mike, and he and I had gone out for an evening between Christmas and New Year's Eve. It took both Alice and me to convince Elizabeth that just because I was going out on one date didn't mean I would marry him, so she begrudgingly _allowed_ the date. She was bitter about it when I left, and the next morning was still very quiet.

Alice said that she had barely spoken while I was gone, only asking if she could call Edward. I was fairly certain that he knew about the date at that point, but I shrugged it off. I was still angry and bitter about our last conversation, so I decided to ignore the hurt because of the argument and tried to move past it.

The date had been less than successful. Mike and I started out talking like normal but got increasingly quieter as the night went on. He had started a conversation about his ex-wife, which had been extremely uncomfortable as he got increasingly snide with his comments toward her. We had eaten dinner in silence from that point on, and walked around the park near my house with only saying one or two words to each other. At the end of the date, we concluded that it wasn't meant to be and he left me at home driving off quickly.

After that, he had brought Sierra over to visit Elizabeth but never lingered. He just dropped her off, waited for her to get inside and then took off. I would sigh, glance up at him and walk back into the house. I wasn't really upset at him, or that it hadn't worked out, but I had thought that I'd finally made a friend.

Elizabeth had been quite relieved when we didn't go out on more dates. She continued to ask to call Edward, but more frequently than before. I never spoke to him, and he never asked to talk to me as far as I knew. If I'm completely honest with myself, it hurt that he hadn't talked to me in a while. But, being even more honest, I was the one that had caused our not speaking.

The party was going great. A lot of Elizabeth's friends from school were able to come, and she appeared to be having a blast. My little house was jam-packed full, and since it was January, we all had to stay inside.

"Are you OK?" Alice asked me. She had come up behind me, but I hadn't heard her, putting her arms around me in a comforting manner.

"I suppose so." I laughed as I watched Emmett pick Elizabeth up and attempt to swing her around. Elizabeth giggled and begged to be put down.

"What's eating at you? It's Liz's birthday, your whole family is here, all of her friends…"

"It's nothing."

"Tell me."

Rolling my eyes, I glanced down at my stubborn friend. "Anyone ever tell you that you can be really annoying?"

Alice laughed and hugged me tighter. "Only when I'm right." She studied me for a minute, and then said, "You're missing Edward." It wasn't a question.

I shrugged, trying to not let her know exactly how I felt. Unfortunately, I had almost forgotten about Alice's ability to read me like a book. She grabbed me and forced me into the kitchen, where the party hadn't quite reached yet. She started putting the candles on the cake.

"Why don't you just call him? Tell him how you feel?" she suggested, still not looking at me.

"I want to, but I'm sure that I've ruined everything." I leaned against the counter close to her. "Elizabeth's reaction to me going out on a date with Mike made me realize that even if I'm ready for another relationship, she isn't."

Alice rolled her eyes and looked up at me. "She didn't want you dating Mike. That doesn't mean that she would be upset about you dating Edward. Have you talked to her about it?"

"No! Why would I talk to her about something like this?"

"Because she's your daughter, and she loves you. But, she also loves Edward, and maybe she would want to see you two together."

I studied my friend for a moment, trying to read behind her passive eyes. "What do you know?"

"I don't know what you mean," she stated innocently.

"Alice…" I warned.

"Elizabeth might talk to me now and then…" She was silent for a moment, but I waited patiently. "Edward, too."

"What?!" I exclaimed, before covering my mouth to keep the sound back. Lowering my voice, I leaned closer to her. "You've been talking to Edward behind my back?"

"B, listen to me. He and I became friends when he came out to visit you last August—"

"Since last August!"

"—Really, he just wanted someone to talk to about this situation. He talked to Jazz, too. And probably Emmett, although I don't know for sure," she continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I swear, B, I never revealed anything you told me in confidence. I mostly just listened to him and offered general advice."

My mind was reeling at this information. My best friend and my—what? Love?—have been talking behind my back for months. Knowing Alice as I do, I was fairly confident that she wasn't going to tell him anything I told her in private, but the knowledge that they were talking made me very nervous…and extremely curious.

"What did he say about me?" I asked in a small voice.

Alice smiled and shook her head. "Oh, no, missy. This is a two-way street. I don't tell him anything you and I discussed, and I won't tell you what he and I discussed."

I groaned, placing my hands over my eyes. "You're supposed to be my best friend, Alice!"

Alice didn't get mad that often and rarely ever yelled. But, the feel of the kitchen changed indicating to me that her hackles had risen. "Now, you listen to me. I _am_ your best friend, B, you know that! Which is why I keep telling you to call him. Be honest with him for once! If you are honest with him about how you feel, then I have a feeling that this whole thing gets better. Please, try to remember I love you and want what's best. I wouldn't steer you in the wrong way."

Our conversation got cut short by Elizabeth walking in the kitchen. "Is it time for cake?"

"Yes, honey. Alice was just getting it ready to bring out."

"Good," she said, then looked up at me. "I wish Edward could have come out."

"Yeah, honey, me too."

The rest of the birthday party actually went well. Alice and I didn't have another opportunity to speak, but I had a feeling that she felt the conversation was done anyway. She had told me what she thought I should do, and although part of me agreed with her, I was still nervous about doing anything about it.

By the time the guests left, Elizabeth and I were both exhausted. She told me that she had promised to call Edward after the party was over, so I handed her my phone. After she got up from the couch, I asked, "Hey, can I talk to him when you are done?"

She smiled and nodded, before turning and walking to her room. I sat nervously in the living room, fidgeting and waiting. _How do I start this conversation? I haven't spoken to him in weeks…_

Before I was ready—like I could have _ever_ been ready—Elizabeth came in the living room, silently handing me the phone. She then swiftly walked back into her room.

"Hello, Edward," I breathed into the phone, still overwhelmingly nervous.

"Hello, Bella. How have you been?" his sweet voice asked.

"Well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Good, I suppose. So, Liz said you wanted to talk to me about something. What's up?" I could tell that he was keeping his emotions guarded, and I cringed. I had made him like that.

"Liz was telling me that she wished you had been here for her birthday."

"Yeah, I told her that I couldn't come out because of work, but we both know that's not the reason, right Bella?"

Tears welled up in my eyes as his words hit me directly in my chest. That hole that began forming when he left last August had just gotten ripped open again. "Edward, I'm so sorry about keeping you and her apart. Please don't let me dictate anything between you two. She relies on you and she needs you. She loves you so much." I just couldn't tell him how I felt, but if I had substituted 'I' for 'she' in the last couple sentences, then that was exactly how I felt. I wished that he knew it, though.

Edward was silent for a moment before speaking. "Bella, you aren't keeping me away from her. I still talk to her all the time. But, if I were to come out to visit her then you would be uncomfortable and I don't want that."

"I guess things aren't as simple as when we were kids, huh? Life isn't black and white…there's a lot of gray."

"Yeah, which is why it's nice to talk to Liz. Things are so black and white for her, and she doesn't understand why things can't just be perfect all the time." He sighed. "It's getting late, Bella. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Um, I just wanted to thank you for being there for Elizabeth. She really relies on you, and you haven't let her down. I think that's amazing, and I wanted you to know that." _You are a stupid, stupid woman, Bella._

"I love her a lot, Bella. I'd do anything for her." Even though he was talking about Elizabeth, I had hoped that he was talking about me.

"Well, like you said it's late. I'll talk to you later?"

"Will you?"

"Um, if that's OK…"

Edward sighed again, and I wondered if he was getting angry with me. "I would really like that. I've missed talking to you."

"Me, too." Smiling slightly, I hung up the phone. I would have to come up with something so that I could fix our relationship. I couldn't lose him again.

**A/N: One step closer…one step closer…stay tuned, next chapter coming up IMMEDIATELY after this…**


	13. Chapter 13 - Truth

**A/N: I have a feeling that this chapter may begin to heal the wounds from the previous chapters. I won't waste time…read on!**

Truth

"So, sis, how's Napa treating you?" Emmett asked as we sat down to lunch. Somehow, he had gotten a day off during the week after Elizabeth's birthday party, and he had asked if he could take me out to lunch. Because I was on a budget, I didn't get out that often and felt like taking him up on his offer

"It's going OK," I responded, nonchalantly. Glancing up at Emmett, I could tell that he had caught the edge in my voice. I should have known better than to try to hide anything from him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, not beating around the bush.

"Oh, nothing really…"

"Is it Liz? Is she doing OK in school and everything?"

"What? Oh, yeah, no, Elizabeth is doing great. She seems to have adjusted already. Did I tell you that she's been helping out so much at Alice's that I hardly ever see her?" I laughed, glancing down at the menu. "She just loves that little baby. Alice says she's a pro at bathing Kaley already."

"So, it's not Liz that has you down." Emmett glanced at me over the menu. "Is it Alice? Did you get into a fight with her?"

"Oh, no, of course not." Alice and I had never been able to stay mad at each other, so all that happened at Elizabeth's party had already been forgotten.

"It's Jess, right? You're still pissed about the fight you two had at Christmas?"

"No, I've learned to kind of tune her out after all of these years." Although, he was right to a certain extent. Jessica and I had never quite gotten along, but she had really pushed my buttons at Christmas.

We had been at Mom and Dad's house, having dinner, when Jessica brought up the fact that I wasn't dating yet. Of course, that had caused Renee to go wild, telling me that it wasn't right, that I shouldn't stay 'in mourning' my whole life. I had been trying to ignore her, but when she said that it was better for Elizabeth that I dated I had kind of lost it.

"_Mom, that's enough! I am taking care of my daughter just fine, and I don't need you to tell me what to do!"_ I had said, completely furious. I glanced at Jessica and had been even more furious when I saw her smug expression. _"Jessica, stay out of my business!"_

The whole evening had made me feel like I was a teenager again, fighting with Jessica and Mom at the dinner table. Charlie and Emmett had stayed out of it, but had been able to steer the conversation after that to other things. Emmett had announced that he had started dating this woman he met at work, Rosalie, which had sufficiently gotten Renee's mind off of my problems.

"Bella, this would go a lot smoother if you would just tell me what's going on," he joked, setting his menu down and looking at me.

"Can't hide anything from you, can I big brother?" I joked back, mirroring his action with the menu.

"Nope!" he said jovially, as the waitress came up to take our orders. After we were finished ordering, his pointed stare turned back to me. "So, what it is?"

"Um…" I wasn't sure if I wanted to confide in Emmett about Edward. Yes, things were better now that we were talking again, but I still had an ache in me that I couldn't get rid of. I hadn't told him how I felt yet, and I was concerned that I would never have the ability to do so.

"Just spit it out, Bella. Is it Edward?" I stared at him, shocked. "Look, sis, I know you pretty damn well by now. You have a look on your face just like the one after I introduced you to Jake. He hadn't asked you out yet and you were upset thinking he didn't like you. That's how you look, especially after I mentioned Edward." He leaned forward and whispered, "You love him." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of the truth as he knew it to be, based on my reaction.

"Dammit, Emmett. Can't I keep any secrets?" I almost laughed.

"Nope. Not from big brother!" He did laugh, but his face grew serious. "So, what is it? He doesn't like you back? He thinks you are going too fast because of Jake? What?"

"Um, actually I don't really know if he likes me that way or not."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I haven't talked to him yet."

Emmett was silent for a moment. "But you do love him, right?"

I nodded, hiding my head a little bit. _What if Emmett thinks I'm moving too fast and is ashamed of me?_

"Then, what's the problem?" he said, surprising me.

"What? You don't think it's too soon."

"Bella," Emmett said, leaning closer to me. "Do you think that Jake would want to see you pine away for him the rest of your life? I knew Jake, too, remember? I was friends with him before you two met. Jake was a great man, very honest and just overall a good person. I don't think my friend would have wanted to see his wife lay down and die with him."

His words made me stop. This whole time, since starting to fall for Edward, I had been thinking about this all wrong. Yes, Jake was gone, but I wasn't dead. I loved Jake, always would, but he wasn't here anymore. He would have never wanted me to stop living and feeling just because he passed away. Maybe he would even have been happy about me finding comfort and love in the arms of his best friend…

"Jake loved you very much, Bella. I know that. Hell, anyone who had eyes knew that." The waitress set our plates down in front of us and then walked away. Emmett looked down at his food before looking back up at me. "He loved Edward, too. In as much as a guy loves his brother. I think he would be happy to know that you two were together," he said, mirroring my thoughts.

Emmett had given me a lot to think about. As I made my way home after lunch, I found myself thinking about all that he had said. Losing Jake had been really hard on me and Elizabeth, but I'm sure it had been hard on Edward, too. And I had been thinking this whole time that it was too soon to date someone, but I had gone out on a disastrous date with Mike. That hadn't bothered me, other than it was extremely uncomfortable.

Maybe the problem was that it was Edward, Jacob's best friend. I started running back through all of the memories I had of the two of them together. They had gone to football games, bowling and had played pool. Edward was at my house for dinner more than he was at his own. When Jacob had gotten sick, he had searched exhaustedly for the perfect doctor. He had gone with Jake for some of his treatments, so I hadn't had to miss too much work. He came over and helped around the house when Jacob wasn't well enough to.

Edward had taken care of us after Jacob had died by inviting us into his home. He had helped me sell the house and move everything. He had helped me arrange the funeral when I was too broken to do that. He had called Elizabeth on a regular basis just to listen to her after we had moved. He had comforted me when I hadn't even realized that I'd needed it…

He was everything.

He was all I needed.

Suddenly, everything was crystal clear. It was like a moment in a movie, where all of the planets and stars lined up and everything was in perfect sync. Where the main character stopped being an idiot and saw the person who was in front of her as the person she was meant to be with, no matter the circumstance surrounding them. The moment where I realized that I'd never get over Jacob fully, but I didn't need to…I didn't need to because it was OK to miss him and still love him. A cruel twist of fate had taken him from me, but I was fortunate enough to realize that I had an opportunity for love again…if he would have me.

The evening went by way too slowly for me. Elizabeth came home, begging for help with her math homework. After dinner, she and I sat at the kitchen table for over an hour working on it together. I thought I was good at math, but the new way that they do it now was really confusing. About four times I had to google a word on her homework so that I could help her.

After she had taken a bath, she finally went to bed. Once the door to her room shut, my heart started racing. I grabbed my phone and headed into my bedroom.

For a full five minutes I sat and stared at Edward's contact info on my phone before I pressed the call button and closed my eyes. A very small part of me hoped that he wouldn't answer, just so I wouldn't have to do what I was about to do. But most of me was just nervous about what his reaction would be.

"Hi, Bella," Edward said, his smooth velvety voice causing my heart to beat even faster.

"Hi," I said, eloquently. _You'd think with my job in communications I would be better spoken than that_.

"How are you?"

"Um, good."

Edward was quiet for a moment. "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, crossing my fingers. "Do you remember last year when I said something at the end of one of our phone calls? It, um, made me stop talking to you for a bit."

"You mean when you told me you loved me?" That's one of the things I love about Edward, he sure doesn't beat around the bush.

"Yes."

"Yeah, I remember. What made you bring that up tonight?"

"Well, I have to explain something to you. I, um, don't know how you are going to take it. But I need you to promise me something before I begin." I waited expectantly.

"Of course."

"Promise me that you won't rush to judgment. Think about it before you respond, OK?"

"OK, Bella. But, I have to say this is making me nervous. But I promise to think about it before responding, and I won't interrupt."

Another deep breath…in and out, in and out. "Things between us have been weird since we slept together. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster lately, and today I had one of those moments where everything seems clear…"

"Epiphany."

"No, no, you said you wouldn't interrupt!" I said, laughing nervously and shaking my head.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"Anyway, today I had an epiphany where everything just made sense, and I realized why I have been putting myself through so much since I moved to Napa."

Here it came. I was ready for it, but was he? How would he take this? _God, I hope he loves me, too!_

"At some point in the last year or so I've fallen in love with you."

**A/N: OK, I know you are mad that I stopped there, but honestly I had to in order for the next chapter to flow properly. Give me some time to put the final polishing on the next chapter, but you will have it this week, I promise!**

**So, what do we think about her epiphany? Let me know! Thank you all for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14 - Explanations, Part 1

**A/N: …And now, the exciting conclusion-ish. See you at the end!**

Explanations

"_At some point in the last year or so I've fallen in love with you."_

The silence on the other end of the line was deafening to me. For a few moments, Edward didn't say anything at all. During this silence, my mind raced. _What if he gets mad at me because I've fallen for him? What if he thinks that I have forgotten about Jake already? How do I properly explain this?_

"Bella, are you sure?" he asked in a quiet voice. There was an unidentifiable emotion behind his words.

"Yes, I am very sure. That epiphany that I had today, remember? I realized that while I may never get over Jacob or his death it was OK for me to move on. I've felt these feelings for you for a while now, but have been resisting them."

"Why were you resisting them?"

"Because I thought it was too soon for me to feel this way about anyone…because I thought I was a bad wife for being able to move on so quickly. And I think, because you were Jacob's best friend it felt like the ultimate betrayal to fall in love with you." I held my breath again, realizing that he hadn't actually commented on what I'd said.

"And you don't think it's too soon now?" His voice was passive and I couldn't tell what he was feeling.

"Well, no, not really. I had a long talk with Emmett today and he told me that Jake wouldn't have wanted me to pine away for him the rest of my life. He said that Jake would've wanted me to be happy, and that he might have been happy that I found that with you."

Edward was silent for a moment, but I heard shuffling at the other end of the phone. I assumed that he was just processing this information, but after a few minutes of silence I started to get worried. The shuffling stopped and I heard him typing on his computer.

"Edward?" I asked, hesitantly, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Um, what do you think? Are you mad at me? What are you doing now?"

"I'm looking to see if I can get a flight out there to visit you."

"Um…"

"I want to be able to look you in the eyes when I tell you just how much I love you, too."

In that exact instant, my fears and nerves flew out the window, only to be replaced by pure happiness. He loves me, too!

"Edward," I breathed, almost as if in prayer.

"I don't want to say everything to you that I have been feeling and going through for the last year or more over the phone. But, Bella, I could never be mad at you. I need to see you. Is that OK, love?"

My hand was shaking trying to keep the phone to my ear. "You called me that once before, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I was trying to tell you how much I felt for you without scaring you." Edward paused for another moment. "Can I come and see you?"

"Please," I whispered.

Edward had been lucky enough to get a flight out the next day, and that his boss was pretty flexible. He had told his boss that he had a family emergency, so he was able to take the time off that quickly.

That whole day was torture for me, though. The waiting until it was time to go pick him up from the airport just about killed me. Elizabeth had been excited when I told her that Edward was coming out for a visit, but sad when she found out that she wouldn't see him for another day, since his flight was landing in Oakland around ten in the evening.

Alice came over just after dinner to keep an eye on Elizabeth for me when I went to pick Edward up from the airport. She was her usual bouncy self when she stepped in my living room.

"So, Edward's coming, huh?" she said with a knowing look.

"Yes." I couldn't help but smile.

"I wonder what would make him drop everything to come visit you now?" Alice sat down on the couch, looking up at me. "Well? Are you going to tell me or do I have to torture it out of you?"

Smiling again, I sat down beside her. "Well, as fun as it would be to see how such a tiny little thing would go about torturing me, I'll just go ahead and tell you. I confessed to Edward last night that I'm in love with him."

She was bouncing again. "And?"

"And, he loves me too, and he's on his way to see me. He said that he wanted to look me in the eye to tell me just how much he loves me."

Alice squealed and launched herself into my arms. "I knew this would work out for you two! I can't wait to hear details!"

Elizabeth walked into the living room, smiling at both of us, holding her backpack. "OK, I'm ready whenever you are Aunt Alice."

Alice had decided it would be easier for her to have Elizabeth just spend the night in her house, that way Elizabeth wouldn't have to be woken up to go home when we got back from the airport. Elizabeth was thrilled because she would get to spend more time with Kaley.

I hugged both of them as they left before grabbing my purse, keys and phone and headed to my car. The whole drive to Oakland felt like it took much longer than normal. In reality, it wasn't very long before I was parked in the cell phone waiting lot—a parking lot where you wait to pick up passengers without having to pay a parking fee— staring at my phone and waiting for Edward to let me know he was ready to be picked up.

Not soon enough, my phone rang. "Hello?"

"I'm here, love. I grabbed my bag and I'm out front next to the shuttle loading area."

"I'm on my way." So excited about the prospect of seeing him, I pulled out of my parking spot really fast and almost hit someone coming down the line searching for a spot. I waved apologetically as I rushed to get to Edward.

As soon as I saw him my heart started racing. He was dressed casually in jeans and a dark blue turtleneck, but he looked amazing. He saw me just as I began to pull up to the curb and his face lit up with a huge smile. Quickly hopping out of the car, I raced over to him and threw my arms around him, kissing him with all the passion that I could muster, considering we were in public.

He kissed me back, too, but broke away too quickly. "We need to get out of the loading zone before that security guard over there decides to question why you are so excited to see me," he joked, disconnecting my arms and grabbing his bag. He kept one arm around me as we walked over to the trunk to place his bag inside.

Once we were inside the car, Edward put his hand on my leg and began stroking it with his thumb, causing me to shiver slightly in anticipation. "I can't tell you how happy I am to be here."

I placed my hand over his, linking our fingers. "I'm happy you are here, too."

"You know, I wasn't sure we'd ever get to this point."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't sure you'd ever be ready to move on from Jacob, and I certainly wasn't exactly sure of what you wanted from me. I was concerned that we would only be friends for the rest of our lives, never giving me the opportunity to tell you how I really felt."

"Well, now that you are here, you can tell me."

"Later, love. Let's wait until you aren't driving and could kill us if I distract you too much," he chuckled lightly, still griping my hand tightly.

The drive home wasn't as bad as the drive to the airport had been. Edward and I chatted about our day-to-day lives, Elizabeth and how long he would be able to stay.

"Unfortunately, I have to fly back on Sunday. I know that only gives us a few days, but I have a meeting with a potential client on Monday," he explained as we entered the city of Napa.

"Well, that's four days together before you have to leave. It's not ideal, but it's great. I'm glad you're here."

"So am I, love. But, I think four days is enough time to get a lot of stuff aired out, and hopefully we can, um, reconnect?"

I felt my cheeks heat up at his choice of words. The rest of the car ride was silent, with his hand still on my leg and my hand on his. By the time we got to my house I couldn't wait to get him into my arms. As quickly and quietly as possible, we got his bag and headed inside. Before the door was fully shut, Edward had grabbed me and pulled me into a heated kiss.

Moaning at the contact, I started walking us back toward the bedroom. But Edward stopped the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine.

"Let's not rush this tonight," he said, putting his hands on my face.

"Uh, it's not like it's our first time, Edward."

He chuckled. "True, but I want you to know everything before we go further. I have things to tell you that might make you laugh, cry and be mad at me all at the same time." I looked at him curiously as he led us to the couch to sit down. "Starting with this."

He handed me an envelope that just had his name written on it. I looked at him questioningly, and he motioned for me to open it. Inside was a letter from Jake to Edward. My eyes watered immediately.

"This was the last thing I ever got from Jacob before he died. I think you were meant to read this someday. He gave it to me when he knew there was no hope and that he would be gone soon. He made me read it in front of him so I could ask him questions. I'd only had one. Read the letter and I'll tell you what my question was."

Through tear filled eyes I looked at him before turning my eyes down to the letter.

_Edward,_

_If you are reading this that means I'm close to death or dead already…I've always wanted to write that in a letter. Without all of the death and stuff, though. It always sounds so dramatic in movies to hear that, right?_

_Well, anyway, I'm writing this letter the day after I was diagnosed with cancer. Maybe I'll pull through this and throw the letter away, but if you are reading this then I must be out of hope._

_First of all, I want you to know that moving to Dallas was the best thing that I have ever done. If I hadn't moved, I wouldn't have met you. You have been a great friend and brother to me for the last four years and I can't thank you enough for that. Being an only child sucks and I could finally understand Bella's relationship with Emmett after meeting you._

_Secondly, I need to ask you a favor. This isn't going to be easy to read, but I need you to take care of Bella and Lizzy. Bella is strong, but she's going to have a hard time if I die. Financially, she may have problems because she doesn't make a lot of money. Make sure they are taken care of, will you?_

_Also, there's Bella herself. I'm sure that you thought I hadn't noticed, but I've seen the way you look at her. At first I was irritated, and I figured that if you tried anything with her I'd kill you. But, you never did and I began to forget about it. You were like a brother to me and nothing but polite to Bella._

_But, now that I've been diagnosed, I realize the opportunity I have. I don't want Bella to be alone. I know her, she'll resist you, but I have seen the chemistry between you two. She will come around, just give her time. Promise me that you won't let her sit in a dark room and grieve for me for the rest of her life. She is a vibrant, beautiful woman and needs someone to show her that._

_I've loved her ever since I met her, Edward. And I know you have, too. Love her for me, now that I'm gone. Treat her like the prize that she is, and never be cross with her. She hates conflict._

_And make sure that Lizzy is safe and protected, too. I know you can keep them safe and happy, and that's all I want. _

_Thank you, brother, for doing this for me._

_Jacob_

**A/N: Ok, so I know, I'm totally evil. Yes, this is another cliffy, but the next chapter is coming soon, I promise. **

**What did you all think of the letter? Thanks for reading!**


	15. Chapter 15 - Explanations Part 2

**A/N: Here is the exciting conclusion…see you at the bottom!**

Explanations – Part Two

There were absolutely no words to describe how I felt as I put the letter down. With tears streaming down my face, I looked up at Edward.

"He gave me this letter about a week before he died. You remember when I came to sit with him in the hospital when you had to take Liz to a doctor appointment?" I nodded. "That's when. He knew we would be alone for a while."

"W-w-what wa-a-as the qu-question you a-asked h-him?" I stuttered, unable to stop the tears.

Edward raised his hand to my face, but quickly lowered it back down to his lap. "I asked him if he was sure." He saw my confused look and continued, "I asked him if he was sure that he wanted me to be there for you in that way, that he wasn't angry with me for loving you all that time. He said that he had been at first, but after I didn't try anything, and he and I got closer, it didn't bother him anymore. And when he was diagnosed, he knew he didn't want you to be alone and wanted you to be with someone who truly loved you.

"Bella, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. But how could I say anything? You were married. Jake and I became friends quickly, and then the fact that you were married didn't matter. What mattered was that you were married to my best friend, my brother. I would have never done anything to ruin that relationship.

"When he gave me his blessing to be with you after he died, I was ecstatic until I realized what that truly meant. That meant that he had given up, and he knew that he was going to die and leave you alone with Liz. I didn't want to lose my brother, Bella. No matter how much I loved you.

"I asked you and Liz to move in so that I could help. I knew the bills would be too much and I knew that I could help at least with money. It wasn't until you decided to move that I knew I had to try and keep my promise to Jacob. He hadn't counted on you wanting to move back home, I'm sure, and I tried to convince you to stay. Not just for him, but for me. I needed you…had come to rely on you and you had become the most important aspect in my life.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to make love to you and not tell you just how much I loved you. It was a beautiful moment for me, one that I have treasured ever since. But, you left anyway. When you told me that you were firm about moving I was devastated. But, I told myself that I couldn't push you into anything. That, if you felt anything for me, I would have to wait until you said it first."

I held up my hand, stopping his dialogue. He was quiet then and let me absorb all of the information I had just heard. My brain felt foggy, and I tried to think my way through this situation. Suddenly, I had a question of my own.

"Are you with me now just because of a promise you made to Jake?" I asked, fearful of the answer.

Edward shook his head. "Only in part. I'm here because I have always loved you, but I wouldn't be here today if Jake hadn't given me his blessing. I would have never done anything to cause him pain, even after his death. If he had told me to stay away from you, I would have."

"I don't understand why Jake didn't tell me…he never said anything to me about you liking me. He used to tell me everything!" Another tear escaped down my face, and this time Edward brushed it away. I leaned into his hand, relishing in the comfort that he had always provided me. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me, bringing my head to his chest.

"I don't know why he never told you, love. He hadn't admitted it to me until that day. I thought that I had hid my feelings so well that he hadn't seen." Edward chuckled. "But, Jake always saw everything."

"Yeah, he did. He saw that I would be stubborn but that I would come around eventually. He knew me so well." More tears escaped and I stopped caring about them. "Edward, you really fell in love with me the first time you saw me?"

"Yes. Spaghetti covered lap, you washing my clothes and not once making me feel badly for almost ruining your dining room chair. Jake laughed at me for hours after that, but you were so calm and understanding. You just helped me clean up and that was that."

He leaned back a little so he could look me in the eyes. "There's more, love. Are you ready?"

I took a shaky breath and nodded. The information he was giving me was never something I had expected to hear, and I couldn't think of what else there was to know.

Edward reached back into his jacket pocket and produced another letter. Silently, he handed it to me. I looked down and this one was identical to the other letter, except that it had my name on it. Choking back a sob, I opened it and began reading.

_My beautiful Bella,_

_I'm sorry that I left you. I loved you as much as anyone could love another person, and tried to show you that every day. You and Liz were my whole life and I can't thank you enough for choosing to be with me, of all people._

_Don't grieve for me for too long. I don't want you to die with me. You have to be strong for our daughter, and strong for yourself. There is someone out there who loves you so unconditionally that he stood back and never said a word all these years. Please believe him when he tells you this._

_Love him, and take my blessing with you as you move forward with a new life. Never forget me, but don't let that consume you. Enjoy being alive and make sure our daughter grows up to be a good and kind person. Tell her I loved her with my whole heart, whatever you hadn't taken already._

_Enjoy each other, and don't be sad. I lived and loved to the best of my ability, and I am not sad to go._

_All my love,_

_Jacob_

_P.S. If I find out you are being stubborn, I swear I will haunt you!_

I smiled at the last sentence as I set the letter down. I glanced up at Edward through tear-filled eyes. He smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"Did you know what it said?"

"No, I told Jake I wouldn't read it unless you asked me to. He told me to give it to you if I saw that we were going to move forward with our relationship. He told me that you would have a difficult time, but that you had to work it all out for yourself. I doubt that he saw Emmett convincing you that it was OK to move on."

"Yeah, no kidding." I slowly handed him the letter. "I think he wanted you to read this one, also."

Edward pulled his arms away from me and held the letter, reading it silently. When he was done, he smiled and set the letter down.

"I do, you know."

"Do what?"

"Love you unconditionally."

I slowly placed my hand on his cheek and looked deep into his eyes. "I love you, too."

His smile widened and he brought his mouth down to meet mine, kissing me softly. "I will never get tired of hearing that," he whispered against my mouth. "Now, it's late. We should go to bed. But I think we should just sleep tonight since we've both been through an emotional wringer."

I simply nodded and led him to my bedroom. He hesitated at the door. "Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

"Don't be silly." I rolled my eyes at him and motioned for him to get into bed.

We both undressed and got into bed, snuggling up with each other. After a while neither one of us was asleep, so I rolled over on my side to look at him. His beautiful, green eyes met mine.

"Say it again," I whispered, kissing him softly.

"I love you, Bella, so much."

"And I love you."

We eventually fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms and basking in the glow of loving someone so completely.

The next morning, we were awakened by Elizabeth knocking on the door to my bedroom. "Don't hog him, Mom! I want to see him, too!"

Edward chuckled and got up, pulling on his pants and shirt from the previous day. He waited until I was up before opening my door and engulfing Elizabeth in his arms.

"I missed you, sweet girl. God, have you grown since the last time I saw you? You are all leg!" He swung her around a little and she giggled. "Bella, what are you feeding this girl! She's getting so tall!"

They chatted while I made breakfast, and Elizabeth caught him up on everything she had done the night before. By the time breakfast was ready and I was sitting down, her story was coming to a close. I glanced at Edward and he smiled at me and nodded.

"Elizabeth, Edward and I have something to tell you," I started. I glanced at Edward and he took the hint.

Smiling at her, he said, "We are finally together."

Elizabeth stood up, threw her arms around both of us shouting, "It's about time! I'm so happy for you guys!" She stepped back and looked at Edward. "You will be my stepdad!"

"Well, it's too early to say something like that," Edward said easily, un-phased by her question.

"Are we moving back to Dallas?"

"Oh, we haven't talked about that, honey."

"Will we be able to take that trip I've been asking for?"

"I have to ask your mom and see if she can get time off, but if she can then yes. I'd love to go."

"What about coming to visit you this summer?"

Edward laughed. "No, we haven't talked about any of that either. Give us a few days to talk about all of this stuff."

My head was reeling looking back and forth between the two. I, of course, I had no idea what they were talking about, but it sounded like they'd had several conversations, talking about plans together.

"Um, someone want to catch me up?" I asked, still extremely confused.

Edward and Elizabeth looked at me then, almost just realizing that I was still there. Elizabeth smiled and nodded.

"Edward and I have been discussing the possibility of you two dating," Elizabeth said, matter-of-factly.

"Edward?"

"It's not what you think, I promise. Elizabeth just told me that she wanted us together, and I told her that she would have to leave you alone and let you decide that on your own. I promise, I never said anything that you would have wanted me to keep quiet." He smiled reassuringly at me.

"So, you two have been planning vacations?"

"Yeah, well I've always wanted to see Lake Tahoe, and Edward said if you were OK with it that maybe we could do that during spring break," Elizabeth said around a bite of food.

"Tahoe would be lovely, but that time of year it might be cold. It's hard to tell in the mountains," I said, finally starting to dig into my own food.

"I know! I'm hoping for snow!" she said, enthusiastically. Edward and I laughed at her bouncing frame.

All too soon, it was time for Elizabeth to go to school. She was happy that Edward was staying until Sunday, and happy that we were together. Sometimes my daughter really amazed me.

After she got on the bus, Edward and I made our way back to the bedroom. He was going to shower, so I decided to follow him in the bathroom so we could talk.

"So, you and Elizabeth have been plotting behind my back?" I said, but with a smirk on my face.

He leaned down to kiss me swiftly, before shedding the rest of his clothes and jumping in the shower. "Actually, she was the one that started it. She asked why I hadn't come with you guys when you moved, and it just skyrocketed from there. She's been hoping for this since around the time you guys moved last year. Ask Alice, Liz told me that they've been talking also."

I leaned against the counter, shocked. "Why wouldn't she tell me about this?"

Edward popped his head out of the shower to look at me. "I told her not to…for now. I asked her to let you come to this on your own. It was the least I could do. I didn't want you to feel corralled at all into a decision. I thought you should make your own decisions."

"You are way too good to me." I ran my hand nervously through my hair and looked at Edward's smiling face.

"Want to join me? I've been waiting for a while to show you how I feel," he said, smirking his crooked smile.

I smiled back and shed my clothes as quickly as possible, and soon stepped into the shower. Edward's warm arms circled me as he started kissing my shoulder. His tongue came out and snaked up my neck, pulling my dampening hair out of the way so he could reach my ear.

For a moment he sucked on the sensitive spot behind my ear, before he picked me up and pushed me against the shower wall. Instinctively, my legs wrapped around him as he started licking my nipple. I pushed into his hard cock and he moaned, pulling his mouth up to mine.

In a swift motion, he entered me and began a slow, torturous pace. My head fell back against the tile at the feel of him inside me, in more ways than one. Now that we had finally declared ourselves, it felt different. It wasn't exactly soft and romantic, but the emotion behind the action had changed…at least for me.

As he slid in and out, starting to increase the tempo, his tongue ravaged my mouth. He sucked on my bottom lip and then my tongue, tasting me with a reckless abandon that I had never felt before. His arms tightened around my body and he started kissing and licking his way to my chest. I arched my chest so he could reach me easier, and his mouth encased my nipple again.

I could feel myself begin to climb, and I wanted him to join me. "Faster," I whispered into his hair. He looked up and met my mouth again, pushing in and out at a much faster pace. My back slammed against the cold tile of the shower, but I barely felt it as the warm feeling started flowing around me.

"Edward, I'm…" I couldn't finish my thought as I felt my release explode.

"Bella…I love you," he whispered, pulsing inside me as he found his own release.

We stayed connected for a while after that, until the water started to run cold, whispering 'I love you' to each other and kissing. By the time we got out, we were both chilled to the bone but smiling.

**A/N: So what do you all think? Was it what you were expecting? Yes, they are together now, but there are still more chapters coming!**

**Unfortunately, I won't be able to update the story for a couple of weeks, since I will be traveling for work. I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. I hope you enjoyed the extra chapters this week!**


	16. Chapter 16 - Honesty

**A/N: Hello all! So sorry for the delay with posting this chapter. Here is the next step after all of the explanations. It's a logical progression here, and I hope that it's everything that you expected.**

**Thanks again to my super awesome beta torisurfergirl. You rock girl!**

**Enjoy!**

Honesty

Time seemed to move faster to me once Edward and I got together. Jake's letters had shocked me, but amazingly they made me feel better about falling in love with Edward. He and I talked about Jake a lot, telling each other stories and just remembering him. I knew that I would always miss him, but I was allowing myself to _feel_ something again.

Every time Edward held me, I knew that we were right together. It didn't diminish my love for Jake. It was just…different. We had actually talked about that during the week that he had come to visit me and gave me Jake's letters.

I was lying almost on top of him, trying to catch my breath for the second time that night. His arms were around me, rubbing slowly up and down my back. I was listening to his heart beating erratically, and it was almost soothing me to sleep.

"Bella?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me something?"

"Like what?"

"When did it happen for you? When did you realize that you were in love with me?"

I lifted my head up and set my chin on his chest, staring up at him. "Well, I think I was in denial about it for a while, but it really hit me when you were here last August. Remember when I broke down that day and never told you why? It had sunk in at that point. Also, I broke down after you left. Alice knew what was going to happen somehow and she took Elizabeth for a couple hours while I curled up in a ball and cried. I think that's when I realized how much I loved you and how much I needed you."

He stroked my hair gently. "Why didn't you tell me then? I'd have come back to you…"

Sitting up, slowly, I looked at him with a shameful expression. "I was scared to tell you. I thought you would reject me, because…well, when you told me about that other woman that you said you had wanted for a while, and I was heartbroken."

"Bella, you understand now that I was talking about you, right?" he asked, concern filling his eyes.

"Yeah, I do. But, at the time it was really upsetting." I paused for a moment before continuing. "It was also hard for me to reconcile my feelings for you compared to Jake. I had to work through things in my head before I could come to you. Both Alice and Emmett guessed, so I guess I wasn't that good at hiding it."

Edward sat up also, and held both of my hands. "And are you sure now? That you are OK with loving me?"

I stared into his eyes for a moment before answering. "It's hard to explain. Jake was my first love, and I'll always love him. I had to come to terms with the fact that he was gone and it was acceptable for me to move on…not acceptable to anyone else but myself. I had to convince myself that loving you didn't diminish my love for Jake.

"Admittedly, his letters did help. It was like he was giving me his permission to move on and be happy with you. I never expected to get that, but even if those hadn't existed I had already convinced myself that he would have been OK with it. Emmett helped with that a lot.

"I do love you, and I do think of you separate from Jake. Two separate men that I have loved differently. I promise I have no reservations about loving you _now._"

The tender look he had given me after that had led to making love a third time that night. It was an amazing experience—to feel how much he loved me in every touch and whispered word. He was quickly becoming untangled from Jake's memories in my head, and I had honestly meant what I had said to him; there were no reservations anymore.

Our trip to Tahoe for spring break had been amazing. It was definitely cold, but unfortunately we never saw snow falling. One day we drove up the mountain to the top of Mt. Rose and we were able to play in the snow, so that appeased Elizabeth.

But, once again, the time had gone by too quickly and it was over before we knew it. We said a tearful goodbye to Edward as he drove back to Reno to catch his flight home and Elizabeth and I drove home to Napa.

We talked on the phone every night, but I felt the distance in physical pain. My heart was in Dallas and I had to do something to get it back. That's when I started considering moving back, having only been in Napa for a year.

Just after the school year ended, Alice and I were talking while watching Kaley crawl around in her living room. Elizabeth was at Sierra's house for the day, so it gave us a chance to discuss the whole situation.

"I know you want me to tell you to just move back, because that's what you want, but I have two huge reasons to tell you to stay," Alice said, smiling at Kaley who was attempting to pull herself up on the couch next to us.

"I think I know what one of them is, but why don't you just tell me and get it over with?" I teased, placing my hand behind Kaley's back so she didn't fall backwards.

"OK, so, number one. You moved here to get distance from Jake's memories. To find a place that was yours alone and that wouldn't remind you of him. Do you think it will be easy for you to live in Dallas and be with Edward? I don't want you going all the way back there, just for Edward, just to be uncomfortable in all the memories of Jake. You have finally gotten to a place of acceptance over this relationship, what if moving back ruins it?"

Alice had made a very good point, but one that I had already fought inside my head. I loved living in Napa, being close to Alice and Emmett and, of course, my dad. But the aching in my heart at missing Edward was miserable…and I couldn't ask him to move away from his family and friends. Moving Elizabeth again would be hard, too, but at least she was familiar with the area and still had friends there. Yes, moving back to Dallas seemed the best way to remedy the situation.

"And second, this is probably the one you had already guessed…I will miss you too much! I haven't been able to see you this much since high school! I'd be super pissed if you left me now!"

Smiling at her, I hugged her tightly. "That's why I don't know what to do. I can't ask him to pick up his entire life and move here. He'd be away from his family and friends, just so I can stay in my comfort zone. It doesn't feel fair."

Emmett's reaction had been much shorter, and pretty comical. All he said to my statement about thinking about moving back to Dallas was "Fuck that." And then the discussion was closed. I loved my big brother…he had always been my protector. In some ways I wondered if Emmett was more upset about Jake dying than I was, only because he hadn't been able to protect me from that pain. He had always protected me from everything he could.

Alice, and to a certain degree, Emmett, were right though. My reasons for leaving Dallas aside, I would miss them terribly. There had to be a way that I could keep my friends and family, not force Edward to move, but still get to keep him, without him killing his bank account coming to visit us.

Elizabeth had asked if she could go visit him during the summer, but Edward had said it wasn't a good idea. He didn't have any day care for her, and if he was going to take a week off, he'd rather fly to us and spent the week in Napa. And, unfortunately, I wasn't able to take very much time off during the summer. Summer was our busiest time of year, so even if I just worked from Dallas, I wouldn't have any time to really spend with them. The idea, unfortunately, just didn't work. Elizabeth had been sad, of course, but ultimately had understood. So, we made plans for Edward to come out the week of July 4th to be with us.

The problem was that it was early June, so I knew I had another month before I would get to see him. Elizabeth and I were going crazy with the anticipation. I spoke with him that night, hoping to ease my hunger for him.

"Hey, you," he answered. His voice, as always, sent shivers down my spine.

"Hey." Damn I missed that man.

"How are you tonight, beautiful?"

"Um, I'm OK." I took a deep breath trying to figure out exactly what I should say and how I should say it.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I just miss you is all. Elizabeth and I both do. I was thinking about something and wanted to see what you thought."

"I miss you too…both of you. Tell me what you were thinking."

"I was thinking that, since it's summer now, maybe Elizabeth and I should move back to Dallas." I held my breath in anticipation.

"Absolutely not, Bella!" he said, quite forcefully. "Your family is there, and I don't want you moving across country just to be with me. Besides, you always said that Dallas reminded you of Jake, but Napa didn't. If you and I have a prayer of working, we can't do that surrounded by Jake's memories."

"But, Edward, what difference is it if we live here or in Dallas? The only difference is that here I have to miss you every single fucking day! I'm going crazy here without…I can't do this without you. I need you with me, and I can't ask you to move here. But, I have control over where Elizabeth and I live. I want to come back to you."

"Baby, you have no idea how that makes me feel. I want you, too, and I miss you with everything I am. But, I can't be selfish like that. I have to think of you and Elizabeth first…you are my main concern. Think about how this will be for her! She's finally made friends and is feeling comfortable there. Moving back here would be hard on her. And, love, it would be hard on you, too. Think about driving past the hospital where Jake died and tell me you can handle living here."

My breath caught in my chest, and I knew he was right. "OK, Edward, I see your point. But, what do I do? I can't live like this forever," I whispered, hoping he would understand.

"Give me some time, Bella, please. I have a plan that just might work out."

"OK, I will try to be patient."

"That's my girl. I love you."

"I love you, too. Goodnight."

"'Night, love."

**A/N: So, what did you think? See you all in a week!**


	17. Chapter 17 - Unexpected

**A/N: Hello all! Happy weekend! Unfortunately, I won't be able to give you another chapter after this one for another couple weeks. I'm traveling again, so I just won't have time. Sorry! I will do my best to update soon. I think you will like this chapter though!**

**Thanks again to my awesome beta, torisurfergirl. Here's hoping you are feeling better soon!**

**Enjoy!**

Unexpected

It had been almost a week since my talk with Edward and I was starting to get nervous. We were still talking, of course, but he hadn't mentioned anything to me about his plan. It was Saturday morning, so without work to distract me, my thoughts were beginning to take over. And since Elizabeth hadn't woken up yet, I came out to the backyard to sit and stare at the sky. I was still sitting out there when I heard the doorbell ring.

I slowly slid the door open, nervous about who would be here this early and was shocked.

"Oh my God!" I squealed, launching myself into his arms. Edward chuckled and kissed my head as he picked me up. "What are you doing here? No, wait, I don't care!" I pulled back and kissed him hard. He picked me up a little more and I slid my legs around his waist.

"Love, as much as I'm enjoying this, I'd rather not give the neighborhood a show," he whispered, breaking contact with my mouth. I slid my legs down and smiled sheepishly, holding the door open for him to come in. There was a car I didn't recognize parked on the street, so I assumed Edward had gotten a rental car.

"So, what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you until July second. Not that I'm complaining, of course," I said, smiling. We sat down on the couch, our arms tangled around each other, and Edward leaned his head back against the couch. "You must have taken the red-eye! That's why you're here so early! God, Edward, you must be exhausted! Do you want to lie down for a while?"

He shook his head, tightening his arms around me but not opening his eyes. "I'm exactly where I want to be right now."

"I was sitting outside enjoying the morning…do you want to come sit with me?"

"I'd love to."

We walked outside and sat down on my chaise lounge chair. Edward sat down first and then I sat down in front of him, leaning against him. His arms wrapped around me again, as he kissed the back of my head. We sat in silence for a while just enjoying each other's company.

"I love you, Bella."

I turned slightly, so I could see his eyes, and smiled. "I love you, too. I'm so glad you are here. Are you ever going to tell me why you are here, though?"

"Later, love. I fear the night is catching up to me." Sure enough, I could see his eyes closing for longer periods and his head jerking.

"Let me get you into bed."

"Stay with me?"

"Of course. At least until Elizabeth gets up."

"Deal."

So we crawled into bed and snuggled under the covers. Edward was asleep in a matter of moments, but I was wide awake still. It was hard for me to decide if he was upset about something or just really exhausted. He still hadn't told me why he was here so early, and that concerned me a great deal. _I hope everything is OK._

After about an hour, Edward began to stir. Elizabeth hadn't gotten up yet, that I could tell, so I was still in bed with him. He was pressing his front into my back and his arm had snaked underneath my shirt and onto my breast. His lips slowly started kissing my neck.

"Good morning to you, too," I said, giggling. Slowly turning around, I put both arms around his neck and brought his lips to mine.

My flesh became warm at his touch and I pulled myself in as close as I could get. His hands were under my shirt in the back, but one slid down, under my underwear, and cupped my butt. Soon, I was on top straddling him. He sat up so that I could get his shirt off, and then proceeded to pull mine off as well. It had been early when I got up, so I hadn't put a bra on yet. Edward's lips devoured first one nipple then the other.

Unable to control myself, I ground into his erection, causing us both to moan. Edward flipped us over so he was on top and discarded both of our pants. He knelt down between my legs, licking my thigh tenderly before placing open mouth kisses on my center. His tongue came out, lapping at my clit, causing me to buck underneath him. When he stuck his finger inside me and found my G-spot, I was done for. He licked and sucked until I was done riding the waves of pleasure, then he crawled up my body, settling himself between my legs.

"I've missed you, my Bella," he whispered, bringing his lips to mine. I could taste myself on his tongue, which made me want him even more.

"Edward, please…" I begged, wrapping my legs around him. Slowly —_too_ slowly—he pushed his way into me. Once he was all the way inside me, I let out a sigh. "Much better."

He chuckled softly and kissed my nose. "It does feel much better now, doesn't it? Kind of like I was meant to be here."

My eyes met his. "It's like you are already a part of me, but when we are connected like this I can physically feel how much a part of me you are. Does that make sense?"

"Perfectly, love," he said, starting to move inside me.

With my legs around him I could feel him pushing in deeper and deeper. His steady rhythm and circling hips were causing me to climb toward my second orgasm in a manner of minutes. Then he changed his pace; he pulled out almost entirely before pushing in very slowly. His hand was caressing my cheek while he stared into my eyes.

It was an extraordinary feeling, making love to someone while not breaking eye contact. It was almost as if he was staring directly into my soul…like he could read my past, my mind and my body at the same time.

His pace slowed and he kissed me slowly, leisurely. One hand slid down the side of my body in a soft path from my breast to my knee, grabbing my knee and putting his arm underneath it, bringing it up toward my chest. This changed the angle that he used when he pushed in and out of me, and I groaned involuntarily. My eyes closed and I tilted my head back, savoring the immense pleasure that was consuming me.

I felt the fire continue to build shortly after that position change. "Edward…I'm…close…"I said, opening my eyes so I could look at him again. He smiled slightly and bent down to kiss me, picking up the pace. He slid in and out of me a few more times before I came apart underneath him.

"Edward…I love you…" I whispered, digging my nails into his back.

"Oh, Bella…I love you…too…" he said, shuttering as his own release took him. After a few moments, he laid his head on my shoulder trying to catch his breath. "Well, now I'm _really_ tired."

I chuckled while running my hands up and down his back. "You started it."

He laughed, too, leaning up and kissing me before moving next to me on the bed. "I didn't hear you complaining."

"Oh, I definitely wasn't. I was just pointing it out," I said, smiling at him. "Do you want breakfast, or do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Let's just talk for a minute," he said, shifting a little so he could see me better. "Want to know why I'm here?"

"Of course I do, but it doesn't really matter. I'm just happy to have you…how long do I have you, by the way?"

"A month."

"A month!" I almost shouted, my smile getting bigger. "What about work? How are you managing that?"

"Well, I have two weeks of vacation, and I managed to convince my boss that I can work from here for a while. Also," he whispered, kissing me lightly. "I have a job interview in Sacramento next week that my boss and Emmett helped me get."

I was speechless. He had said that he had a plan for bringing us together, but for some reason it didn't occur to me that he would want to leave his family and friends behind in Dallas. I'm not sure what I thought his plan was, of course, but I hadn't thought of this.

"But, Edward…I don't want you to leave your family and friends behind. Dallas is your home! I can't ask you to move here just to be with me." Unexpected tears filled my eyes. He was giving up too much to be with me and it didn't seem fair.

"Baby, listen to me. I'm not giving up anything that I'm not prepared to. Bella, look at me," he said, tilting my chin so I was staring into his eyes. "_You_ are my family. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too, but you have already sacrificed enough for me. You put your life on hold waiting for my pig-headed brain to realize how I felt for you, and now you are talking about moving across the country away from everything you've ever known! Edward, I can't ask you to do that!" The tears began falling and Edward gingerly brushed them away.

"You didn't ask me, Bella. I came up with this on my own. I spoke to my parents and they were very supportive, even if they were a little sad to see me go. Also, I spoke with Emmett a while ago and he has been watching the job postings at his company just waiting for something that would work for me. When I spoke to my boss last week about getting time off, he guessed at what I was doing and decided to help. He called the owner of the company Emmett works for and persuaded him to give me an interview even though there aren't any jobs right now."

"I don't understand…why would your boss help you if that meant you would leave his company?" The whole thing didn't make sense to me. Why would he want to leave everything behind just for me?

Edward was silent for a moment. "He and Jake were friends, Bells."

His words cut right through me and I started to shake. "He is helping you because he believes he's helping Jake."

Edward nodded but didn't say anything. Suddenly, this was all making sense. In order for Edward to keep his word to Jake he had to move to be with me. He couldn't let me move back to Dallas after seeing how happy I was with my own family and friends in Napa. He _was_ sacrificing everything for me.

"I can't let you do this," I whispered, wiping another tear away.

"Baby, I _want_ to do this."

"It's not right, Edward." I stood up and shakily put on my clothes. Edward was still on the bed, staring up at me. "I love you, but I can't be selfish. You've given up too much already…and-and…"I sighed, sitting down on the chair next to my bed. "I don't want you to regret moving here just to be with me."

Edward slid out of bed and walked over to where I was sitting. He knelt down and placed his hands on my legs. "I would _never_ regret my decision to be with you. Never," he whispered. "I'm not giving up too much, Bella. How do I make you understand?" he said, almost as if he was talking to himself. He ran his hand nervously through his hair and then looked back at me. "With this move, I'm _gaining_ everything I've ever wanted.

"I realized quickly that you were all that I was ever going to want. The first time we made love I was a basket case. I was up most of the night after that just staring at you wondering how I could convince you to stay to be with me. But after I came here last August I realized just how good Napa had been for you.

"When I got back to Dallas I started driving around. I passed the park that we used to go to for barbeques, the hospital where Jake died, the bar we used to go and shoot pool, the bowling alley…Bella, I began to see what you were saying before you left. Dallas reminds me of Jake, too.

"I want to be with you and Liz. I love you both. But I can't ask you to be somewhere that makes you uncomfortable." He stood up and began pacing. "When I spoke to my parents, my mother said that anywhere I went something would remind me of Jake. I told her that I understood that, but that you were more important. You and I fit together like two puzzle pieces…completing each other in a way that I never thought possible. I told her that I needed to do anything within my power to be closer to you.

"My mom is a great lady…someday I hope you get to meet her. She looked up at me then, almost in tears, and told me to do whatever I needed to do to be with you. She wants me to be happy and, Bella…I'm happiest when I'm with you.

"I don't want you to move back to Dallas. I want you to be happy and stay near your family and friends…and I want to be here with you." He came back over to me and knelt back down on the floor in front of me, placing his hands on my cheeks. "I love you so much that it feels like I can't breathe when I'm away from you. Coming here to Napa to be with you…well, it's like you are my oxygen and I can finally inhale."

He searched my eyes. Tears were falling faster and faster down my cheeks, but I was ignoring them. I had understood all that he'd said, but I felt guilty; guilty that he was doing this partially because of me, and partially because of Jake. I knew that he wanted to be with me, that much was clear by his words and the look he was giving me now, but I just hated that he was having to change his life in order to do it.

"Edward," I began, sliding my hands to cover his. "I love you, too, so much. And I understand what you are feeling because I feel like I can't breathe either when I'm not with you. Please…promise me that you are doing this more for yourself than for me or Jake. Please don't move your entire life because of a promise you made to a dying man…"

"Bella, no. Ultimately, I am a very selfish man. Yes I made the promise to Jake, but I fell even more in love with you in the last year and half than I was before. I _can't_ be without you now. I'm fully, one hundred percent, addicted to you now."

I smirked through my tears. "So, I've turned you into a drug addict and you are just feeding your addiction by moving here to be with me?"

He smiled my favorite crooked smile. "I couldn't have put it better myself." He stared into my eyes for another moment before saying, "Please let me do this."

I sighed, leaning forward so that my forehead was touching his. My arms slid lightly around his neck as his wound around my back. "I guess I really am a selfish bitch. I don't want to give you up."

Edward laughed lightly. "That was never part of the plan, my love. You were always going to have me…it's just that the geography wasn't figured out properly."

We sat like that for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"More sure than anything in the entire world," he whispered.

At that, I launched myself at him almost making him fall over. Hugging him tightly, I kissed his neck and shoulder. "I love you so much. Thank you for doing this for me."

"Not just for you, love. For me, too…I love you more than I can say."

**A/N: So, what do you think? I know that some of you aren't surprised by this, having totally called this in the reviews. What did you think of Bella's reaction? Thanks for reading!**


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